Page Layout and Synopsis ©1998 by Darcy Partridge

The One With The Birth

Episode 1.23

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Everyone arrives at the hospital for Carol's delivery. Ross and Susan fight; Rachel flirts with the doctor... for a while; Phoebe sings and makes a lot of sense; Joey helps a single mother (Lydia) give birth; Monica yearns for a baby of her own; Chandler tries to comfort her, but isn't totally successful. The baby is named Ben, after Phoebe.

The one where they said....

Monica: Joey, what are you gonna do when you have a baby?
Joey: I'm gonna be in the waitin' room, handing out cigars!
Chandler: Yes, Joey's made arrangements to have his baby in a movie from the 50's.

Ross: Susan wanted a Chunky. We're having a baby, ok, a baby... you don't stop for Chunkys.
Chandler: I used to have that bumper sticker.

Monica: I want a baby.
Chandler: Mmm, not tonight, honey. I got an early day tomorrow.
Monica: Get up. Come on. Let's get some coffee.
Chandler: Oh, okay, 'cause we never do that.

Phoebe (singing): They're tiny and chubby and so sweet to touch, and soon they'll grow up and resent you so much. Now they're yelling at you and you don't know why, and you cry and you cry and you cry. And you cry and you cry and you cry and you cry...

Chandler: All right, I'll tell you what. When we're 40, if neither one of us are married, what do you say you and I get together and have one?
Monica: Why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: Oh, no, no, no. I just meant hypothetically.
Monica: Okay. Hypothetically, why won't I be married when I'm 40?
Chandler: No, no, no.
Monica: No, no, seriously, what is it? Is there something fundamentally unmarriable about me?
Chandler: Uh... uh...
Monica: Well?
Chandler: Dear God! This parachute is a knapsack!

Chandler: Rachel, what is the deal with you and doctors, anyway? Is, like, your father a doctor?
Rachel: Yeah, why?

Lydia (on the phone to her Mom): Joey Tribbiani. Yes, ok. Hold on. She wants to talk to you. Take the phone.
Joey: Hi, yeah, it's me. Oh, no, no no no, we're just friends. Yeah, I'm single. Twenty-five. An actor. Hello?

Ross: Look, Carol never threw me out of a room before you came along.
Susan: Yeah? Well, there's a lot of things Carol never did before I came along.

Phoebe (singing): And they found their bodies the very next day, they found their bodies the very next... la la la, la la la, la la la...

Dr. Franzblau: No, it's hard enough to get women to go out with me.
Rachel: Right, yeah, I've heard that about cute doctors.
Dr. Franzblau: No, no, really. I... I suppose it's because I spend so much time, you know, where I do.
Rachel: Oh.
Dr. Franzblau: I try not to let my work affect my personal life, but it's hard, when you do... what I do. It's like uh... Well, for instance, what do you do?
Rachel: I'm a waitress.
Dr. Franzblau: Okay, all right. Well, aren't there times when you come home at the end of the day, and you're just, like, "If I see one more cup of coffee..."

Susan: You get to be the baby's father. Everyone knows who you are. Who am I? There's Father's Day, there's Mother's Day, there's no... Lesbian Lover Day!
Ross: Every day is Lesbian Lover Day!

Susan: What do you see?
Phoebe: Well, Susan, I see what appears to be a dark vent. Wait. Yes, it is, in fact, a dark vent.

Ross: Let me see, I gotta see, I gotta see. Oh, a head! Oh, it's... it's huge! Carol, how are you doing this?
Carol: Not helping!

Ross: Everybody, there's someone I'd like you to meet. Yeah. This is Ben. Ben, this is everybody.
Phoebe: Susan, he looks just like you!

Monica: Hi, Ben. Hi. I'm your Aunt Monica, yes I am. I'm your Aunt Monica. I... I will always have gum.

Joey: Ben? Ben? Hey, Ben? Nothing. I don't think that's his name.


Teleplay by Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss
Story by David Crane & Marta Kauffman
Directed by James Burrows
Jonathan Silverman as Dr. Franzblau
Jane Sibbett as Carol Willick
Jessica Hecht as Susan Bunch
Leah Remini as Lydia
June Gable as Nurse
Carlo Imperato as Roy
Jackie Bright as the Janitor
Aired 5/11/95, 9/7/95, 10/24/96