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The One With The East German Laundry Detergent

Episode 1.05

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Chandler and Phoebe decide to break up with Janice and Tony on the same night; Phoebe's goes really well but Chandler has a harder time. Ross arranges to do laundry with Rachel and Monica; Monica cancels, leaving just the two of them; Rachel reveals she's never done laundry before... and accidentally dyes all her white clothes pink. Joey wants his ex-girlfriend (Angela) to break up with her boyfriend (Bob), so he arranges for Monica and him to double date with them... but he tells Monica that Angela and Bob are siblings. Ugly Naked Guy lays kitchen tile. Janice buys Chandler Bullwinkle socks. Rachel is so happy about her laundry experience that she kisses Ross.

The one where they said....

Monica: Would you let it go? It's not that big a deal.
Ross: Not that big a deal? It's amazing, okay? You just reach in there, there's one little maneuver, and bam--a bra right out the sleeve. All right, as far as I'm concerned, there is nothing a guy can do that even comes close. Am I right?
Rachel: Oh come on! You guys can pee standing up.
Chandler: We can? Okay, I'm tryin' that.
Joey: All right, you know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts any time they want. You just look down and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me.
Phoebe: Oh, okay, you know what I don't get? The way guys can do so many mean things and then not even care.
Ross: Multiple orgasms!

Chandler: So... Saturday night, the big night. Date night. Saturday night, Sa-tur-day night!
Joey: No plans, huh?
Chandler: Not a one.

Chandler: No, I know. But it's just so hard, you know? I mean, you're sitting there with her, she has no idea what's happening, and then you finally get up the courage to do it and there's the horrible awkward moment when you've handed her the note...

Monica: Oh, you're breaking up with Tony?
Phoebe: Yeah, I know. He's sweet, but it's just not fun anymore, you know? I don't know if it's me or his hunger strike or... I don't know.

Phoebe: What's the matter? Why so scrunchy?
Rachel: It's my father. He wants to give me a Mercedes convertible.
Ross: That guy, he burns me up.
Rachel: Yeah, well, it's a Mercedes if I move back home. Oh, it was horrible. He called me "young lady".
Chandler: Oh, I hate when my father calls me that.
Monica: Did he give you that whole "you're not up to this" thing again?
Rachel: Oh yeah, yeah. Actually, I got the extended disco version, with three choruses of "you'll never make it on your own".
Phoebe: Uh-huh uh-huh.

Ross: So, uh, Rachel? What are you, uh, what're you doing tonight?
Rachel: Oh, big glamour night: Me and Monica at Laundorama.
Ross: Oh, you, uh, you wanna hear a freakish coincidence? Guess who's doing laundry there too?
Rachel: Who?
Ross: Me. Was that not clear?

Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: Yeah, it's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Ew, I don't wanna do that.

Janice: I got you... these.
Chandler: Bullwinkle socks. That's so sweet.
Janice: Well, I knew you had the Rockys and so I figured, you know, you could wear Bullwinkle and Bullwinkle or you could wear Rocky and Rocky... or you can mix and match--moose and squirrel.

Rachel: That horrible woman just took my machine.
Ross: Was your basket on top?
Rachel: Yeah, but there were no suds.
Ross: So?
Rachel: Well, you know... no suds, no save.
Ross: No suds, no... excuse me. Hold on a second, that's my friend's machine.
Horrible Woman: Hey hey hey, her stuff wasn't in it.
Ross: Hey hey hey, that's not the rule and you know it.
Ross: All right, show's over. Nothing to see here. Okay, let's do laundry.
Rachel: That was amazing. I can't even send back soup.

Ross: Uberweiss!. It's new, it's German, it's extra-tough. Rach, do you, uh, are you gonna separate those?
Rachel: Oh god. Oh, am I being like a total laundry spaz? I mean, am I supposed to use, like, one machine for shirts and another machine for pants?

Rachel: Okay, you caught me. I'm a laundry virgin.
Ross: Uh, well, don't worry, I'll use the gentle cycle.

Rachel: Oh, everything's pink.
Ross: Yeah, uh, except for the red sock, which is still red. I'm sorry, please don't be upset, it could happen to anyone.
Rachel: Except it didn't. It happened to me. Oh god, I'm gonna look like a big marshmallow peep.

Monica: Hello? Were we at the same table? It's like... cocktails in Appalachia.
Joey: Come on. They're close.
Monica: Close? She's got her tongue in his ear.
Joey: Oh, like you've never gotten a little rambunctious with Ross.

Chandler: I hit her in the eye! I hit her in the eye! This is the worst break-up in the history of the world!
Phoebe: Oh my god. How many of those [expressos] have you had?
Chandler: Oh, I don't know, a million?
Phoebe: Chandler... easy, easy. Go to your happy place. La la la lala la la la...

Rachel: Whoa, I'm sorry. Excuse me, we had this cart.
Horrible Woman: Yeah, well I had a 24-inch waist. Ya lose things.

Phoebe: What a neat idea. All your clothes match. I'm gonna do this.

Phoebe: Hey, how'd it go?
Joey: Excellent.
Monica: We ripped that couple apart and kept the pieces for ourselves.

Rachel: Where's Chandler?
Phoebe: Oh, he needed some time to grieve.
Chandler (running by, outside): I'm free! I'm free!
Phoebe: That oughtta do it.


Written by Jeff Greenstein & Jeff Strauss
Directed by Pamela Fryman
Camille Saviola as The Horrible Woman
Kim Gillingham as Angela
Jack Armstong as Bob
Maggie Wheeler as Janice
Aired 10/20/94, 12/29/94, 6/29/95