Page Layout and Synopsis ©1997 by Darcy Partridge

The One With The Jam

Episode 3.03

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Joey falls while jumping on the bed and dislocates his arm. Monica tries to stay busy to keep her mind off Richard. First, she makes a lot of jam, which Joey loves. Second, she begins screen sperm donors--and runs into Joey's file. Phoebe is followed by her sister's stalker (Malcolm)... then starts dating him. Chandler seeks advice on relationships from Rachel and Ross. Ross secretly tells him about the "hug and roll"--a maneuver designed to end the cuddling and give you some space. Chandler tries it out but ends up dumping Janice on the floor.

The one where they said....

Monica: Hey, look at me! I'm making jam--been at it since 4 o'clock this morning.
Ross: Where'd you get fruit at four in the morning?
Monica: Went down to the docks. Hey, bet ya didn't know you can get it wholesale.
Rachel: I didn't know there were docks.

Rachel: Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down on your bed?
Joey: No! I had a whole story worked out but then Chandler, uh, sold me out.
Chandler: Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was gonna buy that it just fell out of the socket.

Joey: Whoa! Jam! I love jam! Hey, how come we never have jam at our place?
Chandler: Because the kids need new shoes.

Chandler: Okay. Well, Janice said, "Hi, do I look fat today?" And I, I looked at her....
Ross: Whoa, whoa, whoa! You looked at her? You never look. You just answer! It's just a reflex: Do I look fat? No! Is she prettier than I am? No! Does size matter?
Rachel: No!
Ross: And it works both ways.

Joey: Remember when you where a kid and your Mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?
Rachel: You're so pretty.

Phoebe:: Okay, first--I'm not crazy. And second--say it, don't spray it.

Phoebe:: Okay, I asked for the news, not the weather.

Chandler: Hey, Joe. I gotta ask. The girl from the Xerox place--buck naked [holding up one hand], or [holding up the other hand] a big tub of jam.
Joey: Put your hands together.

Monica: I figured out I need to charge seventeen bucks a jar just to break even. So, I've got a new plan now: Babies.
Chandler: Well, you're gonna need much bigger jars.

Monica: I don't need an actual man. Just a couple of his best swimmers. And there are places you can go to get that... stuff.
Rachel: Down to the docks again?

Chandler (thinking): Look at all that room on her side! You good fit a giant penguin over there. That would be weird though. Okay, hug and roll time! I'm huggin', I'm huggin', you're rollin', and...yes! Freedom! Except for this arm! Arm stuck! Stuck arm! Okay, time for the old table cloth trick. One fluid motion. Quick like a cat, quick like a cat! And 1...2...3!

Monica: Lips moving, still talking.

Monica: Alright, how's this? Twenty-seven. Italian-American guy. He's an actor, born in Queens. Wow, big family! Seven sisters, and he's the only... boy. Oh my God, under personal comments: New York Knicks rule!
Joey: Yeah the Knicks rule!

Phoebe:: What? He's not still following her. Do you think he's still following her?
Chandler: Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order.

Phoebe: But um, but I will definitely, definitely help you get over my sister. Okay? Just stalk me for a while. Huh? Yeah, and, and, and, I'll be like an Ursula patch.


Written by Wil Calhoun
Directed by Kevin S. Bright
David Arquette as Malcolm
Maggie Wheeler as Janice
Aired 10/3/96, 12/26/96