Page Layout and Synopsis ©2003 by Darcy Partridge

The One With The Fertility Test

Episode 9.21

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Ross struggles with the conflict between his own interest in Charlie and Joey's desire to impress her. He coaches Joey on doing and saying things that she'll appreciate. Rachel has a gift certificate for a free massage at a big corporate massage chain; Phoebe makes her promise not to go. She goes anyway, and discovers that Phoebe works there. Monica and Chandler go in for fertility testing and bump into Janice. Later, the doctor calls and tells Chandler that he and Monica both have fertility problems.

The one where they said....

Joey: She's so much smarter than all the girls I've ever dated. Combined! I just don't want her to think I'm stupid.
Ross: Are you wearing two belts?
Joey: Hey, what do you know!

Janice: Oh, someone's a little cracky today because they have to do it in a cup. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, they gave you the kiddie size!

Phoebe: Hello, ya. It's time for your massage, ya. Put your face in the hole.
Rachel: Wow, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.
Phoebe: Okay, then I'm Swedish.

Rachel: Hey, say, you'll know this. What's the capital of Sweden?
Phoebe: Um, Stockholm.
Rachel: Damn, I wish I knew if that was right.

Ross: I'm really impressed that you were able to memorize all this so quickly.
Joey: I'm an actor. I can memorize anything. Last week I had to say "Frontal Temporal Zygomatic Craniotomy."
Ross: Wow, what does that mean?
Joey: No idea. But the guy I said it to dies in the next scene, so I guess it means, "You're going to get eaten by a bear."

Rachel: Phoebe, why did you lie to me about working here?
Phoebe: Because I was ashamed, okay? I sold out for the cash! And they give me benefits, like medical, and dental, and a four-oh-wunk.

Chandler: Actually it's both of us.
Monica: What?
Chandler: Apparently, my sperm have low motility, and you have an inhospitable environment.
Monica: Oh. What does that mean?
Chandler: It means that my guys won't get off their barcaloungers, and you have a uterus that is prepared to kill the ones that do.


Teleplay by Robert Carlock
Story by Scott Silveri
Directed by Gary Halvorson
Aisha Tyler as Charlie Wheeler
Maggie Wheeler as Janice
Myra Turley as The Nurse
Debra Azar as The Spa Receptionist
Aired 5/1/2003, 9/4/2003