Rachel continues to struggle with her feelings for Joey. Joey gives the gang tickets to a one-woman play (Why Don't You Like Me?) to get rid of them while he has a party for his Soap Opera buddies, on the roof. Everyone finds out and comes to his party, except Chandler, who gets stuck at the play, watching a bitter woman complain about life. Ross meets a beautful new professor (Charlie) and they hit it off really well. He brings her to Joey's party, but hesitates to make a move because he's intimidated by her past romantic interests, all Nobel Prize winners. Rachel decides to go after Joey, but then she finds him making out with Charlie, which spoils her plans and Ross's. Chandler tricks Monica and Phoebe into going to the play.
Ross: Still, it can't be easy for you to leave Harvard. Especially after working alongside a Nobel Prize winner like Albert Wintermeyer.
Charlie: Actually, Albie is the guy I broke up with.
Ross: You dated Albert Wintermeyer?
Ross: And you called him Albie? I mean, that's like called Albert Einstein, uh... Albie.
Charlie: Yeah, well, he is a brilliant man.
Ross: Ya think? I mean, you went out with the guy who improved the accuracy of radio-carbon dating by a factor of ten!
Charlie: Yes, and while that is everything one looks for in a boyfriend, he had a lot of issues.
Ross: Oh, like what? I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry, it's just that this must be what regular people experience when they watch Access Hollywood.
Ross: Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who hasn't won the Nobel Prize?
Charlie: No. Oh, but there was my first boyfriend Billy.
Ross: Oh yeah, no Nobel Prizes for him?
Charlie: No. But he did just win the MacArthur Genius Grant.
Ross: What a loser.
Rachel: Hey Ross, how's it going with Charlie?
Ross: Oh, great. After I finish my wine, I'm going to blow my average-sized brains out.
Ross: At the Chinese Restaurant earlier today, I put chopsticks in my mouth and pretended to be a woolly mammoth!
Rachel: Oh, I always loved that!
Ross: Oh course you would, your brains are smaller than mine!
Joey: I already know who you're going to go home with tonight.
Rachel: What? Really?
Joey: Yeah, because we live together. It's a joke!
Rachel: Right, that's funny! I get it!
Phoebe: Are you really just going to let a couple of Nobel Prize scare you off? What is that, a piece of paper?
Ross: Actually, it's a million dollar prize.
Phoebe: Go, Charlie!
Monica: Friends hooking up is a bad idea!
Rachel: What about you and chandler?
Monica: That's different. I was drunk and stupid!
Rachel (indicating herself): Well, hello!