Page Layout and Synopsis ©1999 by Darcy Partridge

The One With The Baby On The Bus

Episode 2.06

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Ben always cries when he's near Monica. Ross has an allergic reaction to Monica's Kiwi Lime Pie; his tongue swells up and he has to go to the hospital. Chandler and Joey take care of Ben for the day, but accidentally leave him on a city bus while meeting women. They retrieve him from Human Services, but are a little unsure whether they've got the right baby. Phoebe is displaced when Terry, the manager of Central Perk, hires Stephanie, a professional singer, to play at the coffee house. Rachel arranges for Phoebe to play after Stephanie, but Phoebe feels slighted because, unlike Stephanie, she won't be getting paid. She becomes a street musician, outside Central Perk.

The one where they said....

Ross: Don't be silly. Ben loves you. He's just being Mr. Crankypants.
Chandler: You know, I once dated a Miss Crankypants. Lovely girl; kinda moody.

Phoebe (singing): I'm in the shower and I'm writing a song
Stop me if you've heard it.
My skin is soapy, and my hair is wet,
and Tegrin spelled backward is Nirget.
Lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
and lather, rinse, repeat
as needed.

Phoebe: But... but this is my gig. This is where I play. My... my name is written out there in chalk. You know, you can't just erase chalk.

Phoebe (singing): When I play, I play for me
I don't need your charity
La lalala lalalalalalala
lalala lalala lalalalalalala....

Phoebe (singing): ...was the double, double, double-jointed boy.

Phoebe: So, um, how many chords do you know?
Stephanie: All of them.
Phoebe: Oh yeah? so you know D?
Stephanie: Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay, do you know A minor?
Stephanie: Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay, do you know how to go from D to A minor?
Stephanie: Yeah.
Phoebe: Okay. Um, so does your guitar have a strap?
Stephanie: No.
Phoebe: Oh. Mine does.
[singing:] Stephanie
knows all the chords.

Phoebe (singing): Terry's a jerk!
And he won't let me work!
And I hate Central Perk!
You're all invited to bite me!

Joey: Uh... uh, we'll flip for it. Ducks or clowns?
Chandler: Oh, we're gonna flip for the baby?
Joey: You got a better idea?
Chandler: All right, call it in the air.
Joey: Heads.
Chandler: Heads it is.
Joey: Yes! Whew!
Chandler: We have to assign heads to something.
Joey: Right. Okay, okay, uh... ducks is heads, because ducks have heads.
Chandler: What kind of scary-ass clowns came to your birthday?

Phoebe (singing): Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smelly Cat,
It's not your fault.


Written by Betsy Borns
Directed by Gail Mancuso
Lea Thompson as Caroline Duffy (uncredited cameo)
Chrissie Hynde as Stephanie
Max Wright as Terry
Victor Raider-Wexler as The Doctor
Catherine Bell as Robin
Hugh Dane as Jim
Jennifer Sommerfield as Becky
Giovanni Ribisi as Guy Who Donates a Condom (uncredited role)
Aired 11/02/95, 3/7/96