Joey is auditioning for a play and need to speak French, so he enlists Phoebe to teach him. She tries, but he just can't get it. Rachel's father has a heart attack; accompanied by Ross, she goes home to Long Island to visit him. In her vulnerable state, she asks Ross to spend the night and makes her desires very clear. He doesn't want to take advantage of her, so he leaves. Rachel is angry. Erica (the mother of Monica and Chandler's future child) comes to New York for a visit. They ask about the child's father, and find out she's not sure whether the father is the all american football player, or the convicted murderer who killed his father with a shovel. Joey thinks he can drink a gallon of milk in ten seconds.
Phoebe: It's too hard, I can't teach you.
Joey: What are you doing?
Phoebe: I have to go before I put your head through a wall.
Ross: I think one of us has to be thinking clearly, so I'm gonna go.
Rachel: Wow. Okay.
Ross: I'll see you in the morning.
Rachel: Uh huh.
Ross (on the way down the hall, alone): I haven't had sex in 4 months, I should get a medal for that!
Ross: I gotta say, I've not-had-sex a lot of times before. This is the worst ever!
Chandler: Did she take the test?
Monica: Nope, she doesn't have to. I found out who the father is.
Chandler: It's Shovelly Joe, isn't it?
Monica: No, it's not.
Chandler: How do you know?
Monica: Well, it turns out Erica didn't pay much attention in Sex Ed class, because the thing she did with the prison guy? It would be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
Chandler: What was it? That thing we hardly ever do? Or the thing we never do?
Monica: The thing we never do.
Chandler: Shovelly Joe!
Rachel: I was thinking about what you said, you know, about the whole sex thing. It's probably not a good idea to go
down that road again.
Ross: Thank you. I'm glad you agree.
Rachel: It's a shame, though. When we did it, it was pretty good.
Ross: Yeah. Yeah, that's true.
Rachel: Hey, do you remember that one really great time?
Ross: Uh, yeah!
Rachel: It was your birthday...
Ross: It was Valentine's Day...
Rachel and Ross: Oh, yeah!