Page Layout and Synopsis ©2001 by Darcy Partridge

The One With Ross And Monica's Cousin

Episode 7.19

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Joey is up for a leading role in a movie, but the director is looking for an uncircumcized male to do a nude scene. Joey claims he's not circumcized, and then Monica helps him by making a variety of attachments to choose from. (He chooses Silly Putty.) But the piece falls off during Joey's final audition. Rachel and Phoebe realize they're expected to throw Monica a bridal shower, so they quickly put one together. Ross and Monica's cousin Cassie comes to visit for a few days. She's so drop-dead gorgeous that Chandler can't stop staring; Ross makes a move on her; and Phoebe considers her options as well.

The one where they said....

Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex again until after the wedding.
Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I actually have one of those going on with every woman in America.
Monica: I gotta make up the guest bedroom. Hey, Cousin Cassie is coming to stay with us a few days.
Ross: Cassie?
Monica: Uh-huh.
Ross: Wow, I haven't seen her for like forever. I wonder if she still carries that Barbie everywhere she goes.
Monica: Ross, she's 25 years old.
Ross: So what! I still have.... No, you're probably right.

Rachel: I think we can do this if we just get organized, all right? We have two days to plan this party. We just need to make fast decisions! Okay? Where are we gonna have it?
Phoebe: Uh, here. What time?
Rachel: Four o'clock. Food?
Phoebe: Finger sandwiches and tea.
Rachel: Oh, great! Very Monica.
Phoebe: And chili!
Rachel: Ah, you went one too far. Uh, flowers or balloons?
Phoebe: Both!
Rachel: We're paying for this, you know.
Phoebe: Neither.
Rachel: Okay. Umm, what should we do for the theme?
Phoebe: Lusts of the flesh.
Rachel: What?
Phoebe: I don't know. A cowboy theme?

The Casting Director: And your agent said you were okay with the nudity.
Joey: Yeah! Yeah sure, just long as it's handled tastefully and that barn is not too cold.

Monica: Well, this may sound crazy, but there maybe something we could fashion.
Joey: Like what?
Monica: Well, I'm not sure yet, but of the top of my head I'm thinking double sided tape and some sort of luncheon meat.

Monica: All right, turkey. Uh, that won't work. Cheese? That won't work. Olive loaf? I hope that won't work.
Rachel: Are you makin' him a sandwich?
Monica: No, it's, um, more like a wrap.

Cassie: I guess the last time we really hung out was when our parents rented that beach house together.
Ross: Oh, right, right. Oh, remember the time I, uh, I pinned you down and tickled you until you cried? We're probably too old to do that now.

The Accountant: So, what time is Monica supposed to get here?
Phoebe and Rachel:I don't know.
Rachel: Excuse us for a minute. You didn't tell her to come?
Phoebe: You were supposed to tell her!
Rachel: No, I wasn't! You were supposed to tell her to come and I was supposed to bring the cake!
Phoebe: Fine, I'll go call her.
Rachel: Yes. And please tell her to bring a cake!

Monica: Okay, we have a lot of options here, a number of prototypes for you to try on.
Joey: Wow! This looks great!
Monica: Yeah! Okay, this one is a mushroom cap. Um, this one is made of bologna.
Joey: And... and the toothpicks?
Monica: Oh, just until the glue dries.
Joey: Thank God!

Ross [thinking]: She's your cousin. She's your cousin! If she knew what was going on in your head she'd think you were sick! Or would she? Let's back up a second. She was the one who suggested opening a bottle of wine. She was the one who turned down the lights. She was the one that wanted to rent Logan's Run, the sexiest movie ever. Oh, I know that look. Forget it. I want it. She wants it. I'm going in.
Cassie: Hey! What the hell are you doing?
Ross [thinking]: Say something clever! Okay, doesn't have to be clever, it just has to be words. Say some words. Any words will do. Oh my God! This is the longest that anyone has not talked, ever! There is nothing you can say to make this worse! So just say something!
Ross [aloud]:I, uh, I haven't had sex in a very long time.
Ross [thinking]: Yeah, you really shouldn't have said anything.


Written by Andrew Reich & Ted Cohen
Directed by Gary Halvorson
Denise Richards as Cassie
Mo Gaffney as The Casting director (Leslie)
June Gable as Estelle Leonard
Scott Adsit as The Director
Cindy Lu as The Accountant
Aired 4/19/2001, 8/23/2001