Page Layout and Synopsis ©1999 by Darcy Partridge

The One With The Cop

Episode 5.16

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Joey has a dream that Monica is his girlfriend; Monica tells him it just means he wants a relationship with the closeness that he sees between herself and Chandler. She suggests he try being friends with a woman before being intimate. After hitting on Rachel (unsuccessfully), Joey tries to make friends with new women; but they find his "friends first" approach so enticing that they want the intimacy immediately. Phoebe finds a police badge under a cushion at the coffee house. She plans to return it but has too much fun pretending to be a cop... until she pulls it on the actual owner of the badge. She drops the badge and runs away; he tracks her down and asks her on a date. Ross buys a new sofa (couch), but can't get it up the stairs to his apartment.

The one where they said....

Monica: Are you saying I smell bad?
Joey: No! No, you smell like a meadow. I'm sorry. I...
Monica: What's with him?
Chandler: Oh, you know what? The last time that Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.

Ross: Not that it's any of your business, but we did go out.
The Salesman: Really? You two?
Ross: Yeah! Rach?
Rachel: Come on, I don't really want to be doing this right now. I am carrying a very heavy couch.
Ross: Then tell him quickly.
Rachel: Fine! We went out.
Ross: Not only did we go out, we did it... 298 times!
Rachel: Ross! Oh my... argh! You kept count? You are such a loser!
Ross: A loser you did it with 298 times!

Phoebe: I'm in Vice. Yeah, in fact, I'm undercover right now. I'm a whore.
Cop: Who... who else is in vice up there?
Phoebe: Um, do you know, um Sipowicz?
Cop: Sipowicz? No, I don't think so.
Phoebe: Yeah, Sipowicz. Yeah, um, big guy, kind of bald.
Cop: No, I don't know him.
Phoebe: Don't try to call him or anything, 'cause he's not there. He's out. His, um... his partner just died.
Cop: Wow. Well, tell Sipowicz I'm real sorry for his loss.
Phoebe: I sure will. Take care.
Cop: Hey! By the way, I'm sure Sipowicz is gonna be all right. I heard that kid from Silver Spoons is really good.

Rachel: Hey Ross! I brought reinforcements.
Ross: Oh great! What, you brought Joey?
Rachel: Well, I brought the next best thing.
Chandler: Hey!
Ross: Chandler?! You brought Chandler?! The next best thing would be Monica!
Chandler: You know, I would be offended, but Monica is freakishly strong, so...

Ross: Look, I-I drew a sketch about how we're gonna do it. Okay, Rach, that's you; that's the couch.
Rachel: Whoa, what's... what's that?
Ross: Oh, that's me.
Rachel: Wow! You certainly think a lot of yourself.
Ross: No! That's... that's my arm.
Chandler: Oh, I see. I thought you just really, really liked your new couch.

Rachel: Hey! How's it going? Did you make any new friends?
Joey: Yeah, yeah, I met this woman.
Chandler: Hey, whoa, whoa! What's she like?
Joey: Uhh, well, she's... really good in bed.
Monica: Joey, I thought you were gonna try to be friends first!
Joey: Well look, hey, it's all your fault!
Rachel: What? Why?
Joey: Because you didn't give me advice! No, you gave me a pickup line! As soon as I told her I wanted to, you know, "build a foundation and be friends first," I suddenly, through no fault of my own, became irresistible to her! And her roommate!
Monica: What about the closeness?
Joey: Closeness, shmoseness! There was three of us for crying out loud!

Gary: I'm looking for Phoebe Buffay!
Phoebe: Oh, God, it's him! It's that cop! God, I can't believe it! He found me!
Rachel: Oh my God, Phoebe, are you gonna go to jail?
Phoebe: Well, if I'm going down, I'm taking you with me. Harboring a fugitive? That's one to three years minimum. Good luck, Chandler.

Ross: This couch is cut in half. I would like to exchange it for one that is not cut in half.
The Saleswoman: You're telling me this couch was delivered to you like this?
Ross: Look, I'm a reasonable man. I will accept store credit.
The Saleswoman: I'll give you store credit in the amount of four dollars.
Ross: I will take it.


Teleplay by Gigi McCreery & Perry Rein
Story By Alicia Sky Varinaitis
Directed by Andrew Tsao
Michael Rapaport as Gary (the Cop)
Nicole Robinson as The Smoking Woman
Mark Fite as The Salesman
Aloma Wright as The Saleswoman
Aired 2/25/99, 7/29/99