Phoebe suffers from a small bladder, mood swings, kicking babies, false labor, and other pregnancy woes. Ross has to choose whether Joey or Chandler will be his best man; he chooses Joey, which seems okay until after the bachelor party when the wedding ring is missing. Believing the stripper (whom Joey slept with) took it, they mistakenly confront her; however, it turns out it was taken by a different bird. Monica and Rachel plan a baby shower for Phoebe, but decide not to give her baby-stuff because she won't be keeping the babies; unfortunately, this plan doesn't go over very well.
Ross: Wait, wait... So you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?
Chandler: Oh, no... you... yeah, of course you get to be my best man.
Joey: What about me? You just said I could!
Chandler: I'm not even getting married, okay? This is a question for science-fiction writers!
Joey: Listen, I know it's your party, but I'd really like to limit the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what. Let's not invite any of the anthropologists; just the dinosaur dudes!
Joey: Okay, we'll need a six-pack of Zima.
Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! [Monica holds up a leather jacket and a cowboy outfit] Can you believe they make these for little people?
Rachel: Little Village People.
Chandler: Okay, a little announcement,a little announcement. I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther!
Gunther: What's my last name?
Chandler: Central Perk?
The Stripper: Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah. And I got the duck totally trained, too. Watch this: Stare at the wall. Hardly move. Be white.
The Stripper: So I guess, um... goodnight.
Joey: Oh, unless you, uh, unless you wanna hang around.
The Stripper: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.
Ross: M-my ring? M-my wedding ring? The... the stripper stole my wedding ring? How... how? How could this all happen?
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey, Joey, why don't you be my best man."
Chandler: Well, what if we just, uh, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun; but we've got a ring to find!
Rachel: I still don't get how you know when it's false labor.
Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies?