Rachel gives Chandler a hypnosis tape to help him quit smoking; however, the tape was designed for women--and it works all too well. Phoebe's brother, Frank, announces that he's getting married--to his home economics teacher, who is much older; Phoebe tries to break it up and enlists help from Ross and Joey. Monica gets asked out by a customer at the diner, who turns out to be a millionaire; they go out for pizza... in Italy.
Ross: Nothing. It's just that hypnosis is beyond crap.
Rachel: Ross, I watched you get hypnotised in Atlantic City.
Ross: Hey, that guy did not hypnotise me! Okay?
Rachel: Oh right, 'cause you always pull your pants down at the count of three and play Wipe-Out on your butt cheeks.
Phoebe: What, he's 18.
Ross: Exactly, it'll be illegal for him to drink at his own bachelor party.
Joey: Yeah, or, or to get a hooker.
Chandler: Always illegal, Joe.
Hypnosis Tape: You are falling fast asleep. Deeper. Deeper. Deeper. You are now completely asleep. You don't need to smoke. Cigarettes don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke. A strong, confident woman.
Monica: You gotta help me out here! You gotta set me up. You gotta get me back in the game.
Rachel: Well, that shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I work in fashion and all I meet are eligible straight men.
Monica: You only want to go out with me because my blond wig, and the big boobs, and the fact that I serve you food.
Pete: Well, if that were true, I'd dating my Aunt Ruth. And the two times we went out were just plain awkward.
Phoebe: No, no. Oh, I'm fine with the age thing, ya know, until it starts sticking it's tongue down my little brother's throat.
Joey: So, we're walking down the street and I turn to you and I say, "Hey, let's go hang out at Totally Nude Nudes," remember? And then, and then, you turn to me and say, "Nah, let's just hang out at your place." Well, that was a nice move, dumbass!
Rachel: I think you should definitely go out with this guy.
Monica: Nah, he doesn't do anything for me.
Rachel: Monica, last Saturday night, what happened on Walker: Texas Ranger?
Monica: Well, umm, Walker was looking for this big bus load of kids... Alright, I get your point.
Rachel: Hey, how are those tapes working out for you?
Chandler: Ya know what? Pretty good!
Chandler: Good! I haven't smoked yet today, I feel great, and, and, and confident... that is a stunning blouse.
Joey: Yeah, come on, think about it. You're 18, okay, she's 44. When you're 36, she's gonna be 88.
Frank: What, you don't think I know that?
Joey: Why can't I find that?
Ross: Don't ask me, I had it and I blew it!
Joey: Well, I want it!
Frank: You can have it!
Joey: I don't know, maybe I can't. I mean, maybe there's something wrong with me.
Frank: It's out there man! I've seen it! I got it!
Joey: Then you hold on to it!
Frank: All right, man!
Joey: All right, congratulations you lucky bastard!
Altered Hypnosis Tape: Cigarette's don't control you. You are a strong, confident woman who does not need to smoke. Joey's your best friend. You want to make him a cheese sandwich everyday. And you also want to buy him hundreds of dollars worth of pants.