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The One With The Monkey

Episode 1.10

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Ross gets a monkey named Marcel. Everyone makes a pact not to bring dates to their New Years Eve Party. While performing at Central Perk, Phoebe confronts some noisy boys and ends up dating one of them: David, Scientist Guy. Their relationship develops well until he gets offered a grant to go to Minsk, and doesn't know what to do. Everyone breaks the no-date pact except Ross; Phoebe brings David, Joey brings Sandy, someone he met while working as an elf in a department store; Rachel plans to bring Paolo, who's flying in earlier than expected; Chandler snaps and asks Janice; Monica invites Fun Bobby; Ross just brings Marcel. However, no one ends up with their date (or monkey) at midnight.

The one where they said....

Ross: That would be Marcel. You wanna say hi?
Monica: No. No, I don't.
Rachel: Oh, he is precious! Where did you get him?
Ross: My friend Bethel rescued him from some lab.
Phoebe: That is so cruel! Why? Why would a parent name their child Bethel?

Ross: ...It's been kinda quiet since Carol left, so...
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: Nah, I dunno. I think you reach a certain age, having a roommate is kinda pathe.... Sorry, that's, that's 'pathet', which is Sanskrit for 'really cool way to live'.

Phoebe: So, you guys--I'm doing all new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's suicide, and one about a snowman.
Chandler: Might wanna open with the snowman.

Joey: Aw, I didn't get the job.
Ross: How could you not get it? You were Santa last year!
Joey: I dunno. Some fat guy's sleeping with the store manager. He's not even jolly, it's all political.
Monica: So what are you gonna be?
Joey: Ah, I'm gonna be one of his helpers. It's just such a slap in the face, you know?

Phoebe (singing):I made a man with eyes of coal and a smile so bewitchin'. How was I supposed to know that my mom was dead in the kitchen? La lalala laaa la lala La lalala la la...

Phoebe (singing):My mother's ashes, even her eyelashes, are resting in a little yellow jar. And sometimes, when it's breezy, I feel a little sneezy, and now I...
Phoebe:Excuse me? Excuse me! Yeah, noisy boys! Is it something that you would like to share with the entire group?
Max: No. No, that's... that's okay.
Phoebe: Well, c'mon, if it's important enough to discuss while I'm playing, then I assume it's important enough for everyone else to hear!
Chandler: That guy's going home with a note!

Rachel: Pheebs, I can't believe he hasn't kissed you yet. I mean, by my sixth date with Paolo, he had already named both my breasts! Oh, did I just share too much?
Ross: Just a smidge.
Phoebe: David's like, ya know, Scientist Guy. He's very methodical.
Monica: I think it's romantic.
Phoebe: Me too! Oh! Did you ever see An Officer and a Gentleman?
Rachel: Yeah.
Phoebe: Well, he's kinda like the guy I went to see that with.

Monica: Do you always have to bring him here?
Ross: Look, I didn't wanna leave him alone. All right? We... we had our first fight this morning. I think it has to do with my working late. I said some things that I didn't mean, and he threw some feces...
Chandler: You know, if you're gonna work late I could look in on him for you.
Ross: Oh, that'd be great! Okay, but if you do, make sure it seems like you're there to see him, okay, and you're not, like, doing it as a favor to me.
Chandler: Okay, but if he asks, I'm not going to lie.

Ross: "That thing?" This is how you greet guests at a party? Let me ask you something. If I showed up here with my new girlfriend, she wouldn't be welcome in your home?
Monica: I'm thinking your new girlfriend wouldn't urinate on my coffee table.
Ross: He was more embarrassed about that than anyone, okay? And for him to have the courage to walk back in here like nothing happened...

Monica: Oh my gosh! Rachel, honey... are you okay? Where... where's Paolo?
Rachel: Rome! Jerk missed his flight!
Phoebe: And then your face exploded?

Janice: Here, Ross, take our picture. Smile! You're on Janice Camera! HA HA HA HA HA HA.
Chandler: Kill me. Kill me now.

Joey: You seen Sandy?
Chandler: Ooo, uh, I don't know how to tell you this, but she's in Monica's bedroom, getting it on with Max, that scientist geek. Oh, look at that--I did know how to tell you.


Written by Adam Chase and Ira Ungerleider
Directed by Peter Bonerz
Hank Azaria as David
Vincent Ventresca as Fun Bobby
Maggie Wheeler as Janice
Wayne Pere' as Max
Sarah Mac Donnell as Sandy
Aired 12/15/94, 3/30/95, 12/28/95