Page Layout and Synopsis ©1997 by Darcy Partridge

The Pilot

Episode 1.01

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Aka: The One Where it All Began, The One Where Monica Gets a Roommate

Rachel leaves Barry at the alter and moves in with Monica. Monica goes on a date with Paul the wine guy, who turns out to be less than sincere. Ross is depressed about his failed marriage. Joey compares women to ice cream. Everyone watches Spanish soaps. Ross reveals his high school crush on Rachel.

Points of interest: Information from the uncut version (8 minutes longer, aired 9/21/98) appears in blue. In the uncut version of the pilot Barry's last name is mentioned as Finkel. In subsequent episodes, it's Farber.

The one where they said....

Phoebe (to Monica): Wait! Does he eat chalk? Just 'cause I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.

Chandler: ...and I realize, there's a phone..... there.

Chandler: ...and it turns out it's my mother, which is very strange because... she NEVER calls.

Ross (to Phoebe): Nuh-uh, no, no, don't. Stop cleansing my aura!

Chandler: Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian. Did I say that out loud?

Ross: I told mom and dad last night, they seemed to take it pretty well.
Monica: Oh really, so that hysterical phone call I got from a woman sobbing at 3 A.M., "I'll never have grandchildren, I'll never have grandchildren!" was what? A wrong number?

Rachel: And that's when it hit me--how much Barry looks like Mr. Potato Head. Ya know, I mean, I always knew he looked familiar, but...

Rachel (to her father): Well maybe I don't need your money. Wait, wait! I said, "maybe."

Ross: It's Paul the Wine Guy!
Phoebe: What does that mean? Does he sell it, drink it, or he just complains a lot?

Phoebe: Ooo... I just pulled out four eyelashes. That can't be good.

Ross: Aruba? This time of year? Talk about your... big lizards.

Guys: Hey Phoebs, you wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, gee, I wish I could, but I don't want to.

Phoebe (singing): Love is sweet as summer showers
Love is a wondrous work of art
But your love, oh your love,
Your love is like a giant pigeon
Crapping on my heart.
La la la la la...

Chandler: Look, Ross, you gotta understand, between us we haven't had a relationship that has lasted longer than a Mento. You, however, have had the love of a woman for four years. Four years of closeness and sharing, at the end of which she ripped your heart out, and that is why we don't do it! I don't think that was my point!

Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay away from my freezer.

Rachel: See! But Joanie loved Chachi! That's the difference!

Ross: Grab a spoon? Do you know how long it's been since I grabbed a spoon? Do the words, "Billy, don't be a hero" mean anything to you?

Chandler: Alright kids, I gotta get to work. If I don't input those numbers... it doesn't make much of a difference.

Joey: Of course it was a line!
Monica: Why? Why? Why would anyone do something like that?
Ross: I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than, "to get you into bed."

Rachel: They're my new, "I don't need a job, I don't need my parents, I've got great boots" boots.

Ross (to Rachel): The word you're looking for is, "anyway."

Monica: Welcome to the real world. It sucks. You're gonna love it.

Ross: I just grabbed a spoon.

Chandler: Kids, new dream.... I'm in Las Vegas. I'm Liza Minelli...


Written by Marta Kauffman & David Crane
Directed by James Burrows
John Allen Nelson as Paul (the wine guy)
Clea Lewis as Franny
Cynthia Mann as The Waitress
Barry Hines as the Guy in the coffee house
Aired 9/22/94, 12/22/94, 9/21/98, 11/18/99, 4/12/2001