Page Layout and Synopsis ©1998 by Darcy Partridge

The One With The Worst Best Man Ever

Episode 4.22

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Phoebe suffers from a small bladder, mood swings, kicking babies, false labor, and other pregnancy woes. Ross has to choose whether Joey or Chandler will be his best man; he chooses Joey, which seems okay until after the bachelor party when the wedding ring is missing. Believing the stripper (whom Joey slept with) took it, they mistakenly confront her; however, it turns out it was taken by a different bird. Monica and Rachel plan a baby shower for Phoebe, but decide not to give her baby-stuff because she won't be keeping the babies; unfortunately, this plan doesn't go over very well.

The one where they said....

Joey: Come on, Ross! Look, I don't have any brothers; I'm never gonna get to be a best man!
Chandler: You can be the best man when I get married.
Joey: I'm never gonna get to be a best man!

Ross: Wait, wait... So you get to be my best man twice and I never get to be yours at all?
Chandler: Oh, no... you... yeah, of course you get to be my best man.
Joey: What about me? You just said I could!
Chandler: I'm not even getting married, okay? This is a question for science-fiction writers!

Joey: Listen, I know it's your party, but I'd really like to limit the number of museum geeks that are gonna be there.
Ross: Yeah. Tell ya what. Let's not invite any of the anthropologists; just the dinosaur dudes!
Joey: Okay, we'll need a six-pack of Zima.

Monica: Look what I got! Look what I got! Look what I got! [Monica holds up a leather jacket and a cowboy outfit] Can you believe they make these for little people?
Rachel: Little Village People.

Chandler: Okay, a little announcement,a little announcement. I've decided that my best man is my best friend Gunther!
Gunther: What's my last name?
Chandler: Central Perk?

The Stripper: Wow, I didn't know they let you keep chickens and ducks as pets.
Joey: Oh yeah, yeah. And I got the duck totally trained, too. Watch this: Stare at the wall. Hardly move. Be white.

The Stripper: So I guess, um... goodnight.
Joey: Oh, unless you, uh, unless you wanna hang around.
The Stripper: Yeah?
Joey: Yeah. I'll let you play with my duck.

Ross: M-my ring? M-my wedding ring? The... the stripper stole my wedding ring? How... how? How could this all happen?
Chandler: Well, I think it all started when you said, "Hey, Joey, why don't you be my best man."

Chandler: Well, what if we just, uh, called her, used a fake name, and had her come to my office?
Joey: Oh, that sounds like fun; but we've got a ring to find!

Rachel: I still don't get how you know when it's false labor.
Phoebe: Well, do you see any babies?


Teleplay by Michael Curtis & Gregory S. Malins
Story by Seth Kurland
Directed by Peter Bonerz
Helen Baxendale as Emily Waltham
James Michael Tyler as Gunther
Lisa Rotondi as The Stripper
Robert Koch as The Doctor
Aired 4/30/98