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The One With Phoebe's Husband

Episode 2.04

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Phoebe turns out to be married to Duncan, a gay friend who needed a green card. Phoebe did love him, and finds those feelings returning. Now (six years later) he's back and needs a divorce. Turns out he's not gay, and is getting married to someone else. The revelation of Phoebe's secret marriage prompts several other discoveries: The underwear on the telephone pole outside is Monica's, from when she had sex with Fun Bobby on the terrace; Chandler has a third nipple; Joey was in a porn movie (which they then watch). Ross is nervous about the prospect of having sex for the first time with Julie. He approaches Rachel for advice; her own interest in Ross keeps her from being completely honest, and she tries her best to see that it doesn't happen.

The one where they said....

Ross: So, uh, does it do anything, you know, special?
Chandler: Why, yes, Ross. Pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to the magical land of Narnia.

Phoebe: Um, I'm gonna go meet Duncan. He's skating tonight at the Garden. He's in the Capades.
Joey: The Ice Capades?
Chandler: No, no, the Gravel Capades. Yeah, the turns aren't as fast, but when Snoopy falls... funny!

Julie: So is there, like, a story, or do they just start doing it right... oh, never mind.
Chandler: Okay, now wait a minute. That is the craziest typing test I've ever seen.
Monica: All I say is she better get the job.
Ross: Looks to me like he's the one getting the job.

Phoebe: I... I don't... I don't understand. How can you be straight? I mean, you're... you're so smart, and funny, and you throw such great Academy Award parties.

Duncan: Well, I've never told you this, but there were one or two times back in college when I'd get really drunk, go to a straight bar, and wake up with a woman next to me. But I... I... I told myself it was the liquor and everyone experiments in college.
Phoebe: Sure.
Duncan: But now I know I don't have a choice about this, I was born this way.
Phoebe: I... I don't know what to say. I mean, you know, you're married to someone for six years, and you think you know him, and then one day says, "Oh, I'm not gay."


Written by Alexa Junge
Directed by Gail Mancuso
Lauren Tom as Julie
Steve Zahn as Duncan
Janice Davies as Woman on Bench
Aired 10/12/95, 1/25/96