## The Last One, Parts 1 and 2 (Extended Version)

[Season 10 Episodes 17 and 18]

Written by: Marta Kauffman & David Crane
Directed by: Kevin Bright
Transcribed by: Kreidy
Further revisions and extended DVD content added (in blue) by Darcy Partridge.

NOTES:
Lines in blue are unique to the extended DVD release.
Lines in green were in the broadcast version, but not the DVD release.

### [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment.]

Jennifer Aniston voice over: Previously, on Friends:

Scene from 10.16: TOW Rachel's Going Away Party

Monica: Erica, are-are you okay?

Erica: Yeah, you know, maybe I ate too much. I keep getting these stomachaches. They come and go like every few minutes.

Monica: Oh, my God!

Chandler: Relax. We'll just get her some antacids.

Monica: She doesn't have a stomachache. She's in labor!

Chandler: Oh, my God!

### [Cut to Ross's apartment.]

Scene from 10.16: TOW Rachel's Going Away Party

Rachel: So if you think I didn't say goodbye to you because you don't mean as much to me as everybody else, you're wrong. It's because you mean more to me.

(Rachel turns to leave.)

Ross: Rach!

Rachel: What?!

(He walks over and kisses her. They pull back, Rachel looks at him, and they kiss again.)

### [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are packing.]

Phoebe: Oh, you know, Monica is going to freak if every box isn't labelled.

Joey: Ooh, you're right. Yeah. Okay, uh-- (writing) "Box of crap." Wow, it's so wild. When Monica and Chandler come back here, they are gonna have a baby. A baby!

Phoebe: I know. Oh, wait, Ross doesn't know the baby's coming. Should we call and tell him?

Joey: Ooh, I don't know. Rachel's still over there yelling at him. Poor Guy. I would not want to be him, right now.

### [Scene: Ross's bedroom. The door bursts open and Ross and Rachel enter, still kissing.]

Rachel: Wait. Wait. Should we be doing this?

Ross: Uh, I don't know.

Rachel: Oh, it's probably not a good idea.

Ross: Yeah, probably not.

Rachel: Well, that never stopped us before!

Ross: No, sir!

### OPENING CREDITS

### [Scene: Hospital. Chandler and Monica are walking in the hallway. Chandler is carrying flowers.]

Chandler: I can't believe in a couple of hours we're going to be parents.

Monica: I can't believe it's three weeks early. I love that our baby is prompt! Okay. Alright, what room did the nurse say Erica was in?

Chandler: Uh, 702.

Monica: Okay.

(They cross the hall and enter room 702. It is NOT the right room. A woman is in the middle of labor.)

Man: Come on, baby. You can do this, now.

Woman: Aaaaaaahhhhhhh! Get this damn thing out of me!

(The man, woman, doctor, and nurse fall silent, turning to look at Chandler and Monica.)

Chandler: Well, these are for you. (He places the flowers in a water pitcher. They exit to the hallway and shut the door. Monica silently mouths "oh, my God.")

Chandler: Did you see the size of the thing that was coming out of that woman?

Monica: I couldn't tell who was giving birth to who.

### [Scene: Erica's hospital room. Erica is adjusting her position on the bed. Monica and Chandler enter.]

Erica: Hi.

Chandler: Hey. How's it going?

Erica: It's okay. The doctor says it'll still be a while.

Monica: How do you feel?

Erica: Well, it hurts some times. Not too bad yet, though. It's a little scary.

Monica: Oh, I know. But, honey, you're gonna be fine.

Chandler: Tell that to the lady in 702 with the toddler coming out of her. I think that kid was wearing a shirt. (Erica looks alarmed) You're going to be fine, though.

### [Scene: Ross's bedroom. Rachel is putting on her shoes as Ross shows up from underneath the covers.]

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Ha. Shh. Go back to sleep. I have to go home.

Ross: Oh, God. This was amazing.

Rachel: It really was. You've learned some new moves!

Ross: Yeah, well, uh, this guy at work gave me Sex for Dummies as a joke.

Rachel: Ah.

Ross: Who's laughing now?

Rachel: I know!

(They kiss.)

### OPENING CREDITS

### [Scene: The delivery room at the hospital. Monica, Chandler and Erica are there. Erica is struggling through a heavy contraction.]

Monica: Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. (The contraction ends) Okay. Good.

Chandler: Next time, can I say breathe?

Monica: No. Last time you said it like Dracula, and it scared her. (To Erica) Can I get you anything? You want some more ice chips?

Erica: No, I'm okay.

Monica: Alright, I'll be right back.

Chandler: Where are you going?

Monica: To use the bathroom.

Chandler: You can't leave me alone with her.

Monica: What?

Chandler: This is exactly the kind of social situation that I am not comfortable with.

Monica: What kind of social situation are you comfortable with?

Chandler: It's just that we've never spent any time, you know, alone together.

Monica: You'll be fine. Nah, you won't. But I'll be back in two minutes.

Chandler: Okay.

(Monica leaves, and Chandler closes the door. Erica just looks at him.)

Chandler: So, uh, any plans for the summer?

Erica: I don't know. Maybe church camp.

Chandler: Hah. May not wanna mention this. (Erica's face shows that she can't believe he's actually saying it.) So you ever wonder which is worse? You know, going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts?

Erica: What?

Chandler: Well, it's just interesting. You know, because no one will ever know, because no one can experience both.

(Erica just looks at him like he's crazy.)

Chandler: One of life's great, unanswerable questions. I mean, who knows? Maybe there's something even more painful than those things? Like this.

### [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Joey holding a baby duck.]

(A knock at the door)

Joey: Come in.

Phoebe: (entering) Morning.

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: What's that?

Joey: Oh, it's my housewarming present for Monica and Chandler.

Phoebe: Oh! It's a baby chick and duck!

Joey: Uh-huh. And I named them Chick Jr. and Duck Jr.

Phoebe: I did not see that coming.

Joey: Yeah. I figure they'll love it at the new house, you know? It has that big backyard. And then, when they get old, they can go to that special farm that Chandler took the other chick and duck to.

Phoebe: (faking sincerity) Yes.

Joey: Yeah. It's a shame people can't visit there.

Phoebe: That is the rule, though.

(Ross enters.)

Phoebe: Guess what? You're-you're almost an uncle!

Ross: What?

Joey: Yeah, Erica went into labor last night. Monica and Chandler are at the hospital right now!

Ross: Oh, my God!

Phoebe: Yeah. And I have a definite feeling it's gonna be a girl.

Ross: Phoebe, you were sure Ben was gonna be a girl.

Phoebe: Have you seen him throw a ball?

Ross: (Annoyed and moving on) Is Rachel here?

Joey: Uh, I think she's still asleep. Oh, hey, hey, hey. How'd it go with you guys last night? She seemed pretty pissed at you.

Ross: Uh, we, uh, you know, we worked things out.

Phoebe: What's that smile? Did something happen with you two?

Ross: Hey, I'm not one to kiss and tell. Uh, but I'm also not one to have sex and shut up. We totally did it.

Joey: Oh, my God. You and Rachel?

Ross: I know, it's-it's pretty great.

Joey: So what does that mean? Are you guys getting back together?

Ross: Oh, I-I don't know. I mean, we didn't really get to talk.

Phoebe: But do you wanna get back together?

Ross: I don't know. It was incredible. I mean, it just felt so right. When I was holding her, I-I mean, I never wanted to let her go. You know what? Yeah, I do. I-I wanna be together.

Phoebe: Yay!

Ross: Shh!

Phoebe: (quietly) Yay.

Joey: So-- So is she still going to Paris?

Ross: Wow, I hadn't thought of that. I-I hope not.

Phoebe: Oh, this is like the best day ever. Ever! You guys might get back together. Monica and Chandler are getting their baby. There are chicks and ducks in the world again. Oh, I feel like I'm in a musical! (Singing) "Aaah, dah, dah, when the sun comes up, bright and beaming! And the moon comes..."

(Rachel enters from her room.)

Rachel: Morning!

Phoebe: Guess you'll never know how it ends.

Joey: Okay.

Ross: Hey.

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: Hi. How, uh, how'd you sleep?

Rachel: Good. You?

Ross: Good.

Joey: I bet you did!

Ross: Uh, would you guys mind giving us a minute?

Joey: Sure, yeah. Will you just keep an eye on the chick and the duck?

Rachel: Chick and the duck? Didn't they die?

Phoebe: Dive. Yeah, they dove. Headfirst into fun on the farm.

(Joey and Phoebe leave.)

Ross: So...

(He kisses her.)

Ross: Morning.

Rachel: You, too. Last night was just wonderful.

Ross: Oh, it really was.

Rachel: I woke up today with the biggest smile on my face.

Ross: I know, me too. It was-- You know, it was like one of those things you think is never gonna happen. And-and then it does, and it's everything you want it to be.

Rachel: Hm-hmm. I know. It was just-- (sighs). Oh, it was just the perfect way to say goodbye. (She hugs him, and Ross looks crushed.)

### [Scene: The Hospital. Erica is in labor, moaning while pushing. Monica, Chandler, a nurse and a doctor are there with her.]

Monica: Okay, just a little bit more, honey.

Erica: Oh, man, this hurts!

Chandler: Really? That bad?

Erica: Uh-huh! I think it's time to kick you in the nuts and see which is worse!

(Monica gives Chandler a look.)

Doctor: The baby's head is crowning.

(Monica walks over, next to the doctor.)

Monica: (Gasps) Oh, my God. That is the most beautiful top of a head I have ever seen! Chandler, you have to see this!

Chandler: I'm okay.

Monica: Chandler, you don't wanna miss this. This is the birth of your child! It's the miracle of life!

Chandler: Alright. Wow, that is one disgusting miracle.

Doctor: Start pushing. Here we go. Here come the shoulders.

(The baby starts crying, and the doctor holds it up.)

Monica: It's a-- It's a boy!

Chandler: Wow.

Erica: Is he okay?

Doctor: He's just fine.

Monica: Oh, you did it!

Chandler: (emotional) It's a baby! A beautiful little baby! And some other stuff I'm gonna pretend I don't see.

Doctor: Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?

(A nurse gives Monica a pair of scissors. Monica gives it to Chandler, and they cut it together.)

Chandler: Well, that's spongy.

Monica: (to her son) Oh, hey handsome! Oh, I'm gonna love you so much that no woman is ever gonna be good enough for you! (To Chandler) Oh, we are so lucky!

Chandler: I know. He has your eyes.

(Monica looks at him, quizzically.)

Chandler: I mean, I know that's not possible, but he does.

Nurse: We'll just get him cleaned up a bit.

(The doctor hands the boy to the nurse, and she walks over to another part of the room with him.)

Chandler: Okay.

Monica: (To Erica) Oh, my God, he's beautiful. Thank you so much.

Erica: I'm really happy for you guys.

Chandler: How do you feel?

Erica: I'm tired!

Doctor: Well, you don't have that much time to relax. The other one will be along in a minute.

(Chandler stares at the doctor, completely shocked. Monica seems like she hasn't absorged the message.)

Monica: I-I'm sorry. Who should be along in a what, now?

Doctor: The next baby should be along in a minute.

Monica: Uh, we only ordered one!

Doctor: You know it's twins, right?

Chandler: Oh, yeah. These are the faces of two people in the know!

### COMMERCIAL BREAK

### [Scene: The hospital. Continued from earlier.]

Doctor: I can't believe you didn't know it's twins! This has never happened before.

Chandler: Well, gosh. That makes me feel so special and good.

Monica: (to the doctor) Wait, did you know it was twins?

Doctor: Yeah, it's here in the paperwork we got from the clinic in Ohio.

Monica: (to Erica) Did anybody tell you?

Erica: I don't think so. Although, they did mention something about two heartbeats. But I thought that was just mine and the baby's. They kept saying, "Both heartbeats are really strong." And I thought, "Well, that's good, because I'm having a baby."

Monica: This is unbelievable.

Erica: Twins actually run in my family.

Chandler: (sarcastically surprised) Interesting. (To Monica) Can I see you for a second?

(They walk over to the door.)

Chandler: What do we do?

Monica: What do you mean, "What do we do?"

Chandler: Twins. Twins!

Monica: Chandler, you're panicking.

Chandler: Uh-huh! Join me, won't you? Okay, what do you say we keep one, and then just, like, have an option on the other one?

Monica: We can't split them up!

Chandler: Why not? We could give each of them half a medallion. And then years later, they'll find each other and be reunited. I mean, that's a great day for everybody.

Monica: Okay, what if the person who adopts the other one is horrible?

Chandler: What if they're not? What if it's adopted by a king?

Monica: Yeah, because I hear the king is looking to adopt.

Chandler: Monica, we are not ready to have two babies.

Monica: That doesn't matter! We have waited so long for this. I don't care if it's two babies. I don't care if it's three babies. I don't care if the entire cast of Eight is Enough comes out of there! We are taking them home, because they are our children!

Chandler: Okay. Shh. (He hugs her.) Okay.

Monica: Okay!

Chandler: Okay!

Doctor: Uh, it looks like we're about ready over here. Come on, Erica, start pushing again now.

Erica: Ow!

(Erica screams.)

Doctor: Here she comes.

Chandler: She? It's a girl?

Doctor: Yeah.

Chandler: (To Monica) Well, now we have one of each! (To the doctor) And that's enough.

### [Scene: Central Perk. Ross, Phoebe and Joey are there.]

Ross: And then she said it was the perfect way to say goodbye.

Joey: Oh, my God. What did you say?

Ross: Nothing. What-what do you say to that?

Phoebe: Ross, you've got to tell her how you feel.

Ross: No way.

Joey: Well, you can't just give up! Is that what a dinosaur would do?

Ross: What?

Joey: Dude, I'm just trying to speak your language.

Phoebe: Ross, Rachel doesn't know that you wanna get back together. If she did, she might feel differently. She might not even go.

Ross: You really think so?

Phoebe: I'm telling you! Oh, okay! This is the part of the musical where there'd be a really good convincing song. (Singing) Bum-bum-bum, don't take no for an answer. Bum-bum-bum, don't let love fly away. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum-bum--

(Rachel enters and interrupts Phoebe's song.)

Rachel: Hi.

Phoebe: Can't a girl finish a song around here?

Joey: Hey.

Rachel: Hi. So I just dropped Emma off at my mom's.

Ross: Okay.

Joey: Oh, you're not taking her with you tonight?

Rachel: No, we decided that I would go ahead and set up first, and then my mom would bring Emma to Paris on Sunday.

Phoebe: Wow, eight hour flight with a one-year old? Good luck, mom.

Rachel: Are you kidding? Eight hours with my mother talking about Atkins? Good luck, Emma.

(Rachel walks up to the counter.)

Ross: Alright, you know what? You're right. I should at least tell her how I feel.

(He stands up.)

Joey: Ross, wait! Wait!

Ross: What? What?

Joey: Could you get me a muffin?

(Ross walks up to Rachel, but Gunther gets there first.)

Gunther: Rachel?

Rachel: Yeah.

Gunther: I-- I-I know you're-- you're leaving tonight, but I-I just have to tell you. I love you.

(Ross is shocked.)

Gunther: Now, I-I don't know if that changes your plans at all. But I-I thought you should know.

Rachel: (touched) Gunther. Oh. I love you, too. Probably not in the same way. But I do. And-and when I'm in a cafe, having coffee, or I see a man with hair brighter than the sun, I'll think of you. Aw.

(She kisses him on the cheek and looks over at the others.)

Rachel: Oh. Bye, you guys.

Phoebe: Bye.

(Rachel leaves.)

Ross: Oh, my God!

Phoebe: Unbelievable!

Joey: Hey, you know what might help?

Ross: I'm not getting you a muffin!

### [Scene: The hospital. Monica and Chandler are holding the twins, while two nurses are taking care of Erica.]

Monica: Do you think they recognize each other from in there?

Chandler: Maybe. Unless they're like two people who have lived in apartments next to each other for years. And then, one day, they're pushed through a vagina and they meet.

Nurse: We're going to take Erica to recovery now.

Monica: There's something that we wanna tell you. We decided to name the girl baby Erica.

Erica: Oh, my God, that's just like my name!

Monica: Son of a gun, it is.

Erica: Anyway, I'm gonna go and get some rest. I'm really glad I picked you guys. You're gonna make great parents. Even Chandler.

Monica: Okay, well, bye!

Erica: Bye!

Chandler: Bye!

Monica: We'll call you!

Erica: Okay.

Chandler: Hey, have fun at church camp!

(The nurses take Erica to the recovery room. Monica and Chandler smile at each other.)

Monica: Oh, look at these little buddies!

Chandler: I know! You ready to trade?

Monica: Okay.

Chandler: Okay.

Monica: Alright, let's see.

(They start trying to trade babies while holding one each. They have no idea how to do it, so they just shift the babies around in their arms. After a bit, they give up.)

Chandler: We could trade later.

Monica: Yeah, I'm good.

### [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey and Phoebe are there. There is a white crib decorated with balloons in the middle of the room. There are boxes everywhere. Joey is working on something on the coffee table.]

Phoebe: Hey, what are you working on?

Joey: Oh, it's a-- It's a welcome home sign for the baby.

(He holds up a white poster with huge red letters. It reads, "Welcome Home Baby." There is also a huge red blotch on the left of the poster.)

Phoebe: How sweet! Oh, is that the baby?

(She points at the stain.)

Joey: No, I sat in the paint.

(Ross enters with a gift for the baby.)

Ross: Hey.

Phoebe: Hey. So, did you talk to Rachel?

Ross: No. And, uh, I'm not going to.

Phoebe: What?

Joey: Why not?

Ross: Because she's just going to shoot me down. You guys saw what happened with Gunther. That did not look like fun.

Phoebe: How can you compare yourself to Gunther? I mean, sure, he's sexy in a more obvious way. You have a relationship with her. You slept together last night!

Ross: Yeah, and she still wants to go! It's pretty clear where she is.

Joey: Yeah, I know what you mean. I mean, sometimes--

(He sits down in the wet paint again.)

Phoebe: Uh, Joe?

Joey: Damn it!

Ross: Look, even if I were gonna tell her, I don't have to do it now. Okay? I'll be seeing her again. Uh, we've got time.

Phoebe: No, you don't. She's going to Paris! She is going to meet somebody. Do you know how many hot guys there are in Paris? It's-It's a city of Gunthers!

(Mike enters with a roll of paper in his hand.)

Mike: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey! What-what do you got there?

Mike: Hmm? Oh, I made a little something. If I had more time to work on it, it'd be better, but....

(He shows them a beautiful banner he has made. It reads, "Welcome to the World, Baby Bing.")

Ross: Oh, my God! You did that yourself?

Phoebe: Honey, that's gorgeous!

Joey: You know, the baby can't read, Mike!

(Rachel enters.)

Rachel: Hi! You guys, the car-service just got here. I can't believe they're not home yet! I have to catch my stupid plane. I wanna see the baby.

Joey: Well, Monica just called from the cab. She said they should be here any minute. And, uh, apparently, there's some big surprise.

Phoebe: Yeah, did-did she sound happy about it? Because my friend Ethel's baby was born with a teeny, tiny beard.

(Monica enters carrying her son. There are gasps all around.)

Rachel: Oh, my God!

Ross: Oh, my God!

Rachel: Hi! Oh my gosh!

(Chandler enters carrying his daughter.)

Chandler: Hey.

(Everybody turns around and briefly greets Chandler.)

Phoebe, Ross, Rachel: Hey.

(They turn back around toward Monica, but then they realize and gasp. They stare at Chandler and his baby. Joey hasn't figured it out yet.)

Joey: (To Monica) Hey, so what is the big surprise?

Rachel: Oh.

(Joey stares at Chandler and Monica and finally puts two and two together. He gasps.)

Ross: Oh, my God.

Rachel: How did this-- What happ--

Ross: Okay, okay, awkward question. The hospital knows you took two, right?

Monica: Yes, it's twins.

Ross: Oh, my God.

Joey: Oh, they're so cute! Now, what-what-what kinds are they?

Monica: This is a boy. And that's a girl.

Chandler: Her name is Erica.

Rachel: Aw.

Joey: Hey, that pregnant girl's name was Erica.

Chandler: Yeah. It's a shame you two didn't get to spend more time together.

Monica: Yeah, and we named the boy Jack after dad.

Ross: Aw, he's gonna be so happy.

Phoebe: Ah, Jack Bing. I love that. Ooh, it sounds like-like a '40s newspaper guy, you know? "Jack Bing, Morning Gazette. I'm gonna-- I'm gonna blow this story wide open!"

(Chandler and Monica carry Erica and Jack over to the crib and put them down carefully.)

Rachel: Oh, my gosh. Wow, so beautiful.

Mike: (To Phoebe) I want one.

Phoebe: Oh, yeah? Well, tell me which one. I'll try slip it in my coat.

Mike: Seriously. I mean, you want to make one of those?

Phoebe: One? How about a whole bunch?

Mike: Really?

Phoebe: Yeah! Ooh, we could teach them to sing, and we can be like the von Trapp family! Only without the Nazis. Although that sounds kinda dull.

Rachel: Oh, you guys, I can't believe this. If I dont' leave now, I'm gonna miss my plane.

Monica: I'm just so glad you got to see the babies.

(They hug.)

Rachel: Me too. Oh, I'm just sorry I'm not gonna be around to watch you two attempt to handle this. Alright. Oh, I can't say goodbye to you guys again. I love you all so much.

Monica: Love you.

Chandler: We love you.

Monica: Okay, call us when you get there?

Rachel: I will. Ross, come here.

(She pulls him over to the door.)

Rachel: I just want you to know: Last night. I'll never forget it.

Ross: Neither will I.

(They hug as Phoebe and Joey look on, concerned.)

Rachel: Alright. Now I really have to go. Okay. Au revoir! Oh, they're gonna really hate me over there.

(She leaves.)

Phoebe: So, you just let her go?

Ross: Yeah.

Joey: Hey, maybe that's for the best.

Ross: Yeah?

Joey: Yeah. You know? You just-- Look, you gotta-- you gotta think about last night the way she does, okay? You know, maybe-- maybe sleeping together was the perfect way to say goodbye.

Monica: (To Chandler) They slept together?

Chandler: I was with you.

Phoebe: But now she'll never know how he feels.

Joey: Maybe that's okay. You know? Maybe-maybe it is better this way. I mean, now, now you can move on. I mean, you've been trying to for so long, maybe now that you're on different continents-- (asks Phoebe to confirm) Right? (Phoebe nods.) Maybe now you can actually do it. You know? You can-- you can finally get over her.

Ross: Yeah, that's true. Except I don't wanna get over her.

Joey: What?

Ross: I don't. I wanna be with her.

Joey: Really?

Ross: Yeah, I'm gonna go after her.

Joey: Yeah, you are!

Phoebe: Oh!

(Monica and Chandler look shocked as Ross goes to leave.)

Phoebe: Wait, wait! Get your coat! Get your coat!

Ross: My coat.

Joey: This is so cool!

Chandler: I have no idea what's going on, but I am excited!

Joey: Ross, Ross! What do you-- what do you think she's going to say?

Ross: I don't know, but I-- Look, even if she shoots me down, at least I won't spend the rest of my life wondering what would have happened. Where- where is my coat?!

Phoebe: (Suddenly furious over these delays) You didn't bring one! My cab's downstairs. I'll drive you to the airport.

Ross: Okay, guys, wish me luck.

Phoebe: Hurry!!

Joey: Good luck, good luck!

(Phoebe and Ross leave.)

Joey: Oh, my God. Ross is going after Rachel. And you guys have babies. This is, like, the best day ever!

Monica: Why is there an ass-shaped paint stain on my couch?

Joey: (Pausing a moment to think.) She asked you a question, Mike!

(Joey points to Mike, then casually walks out, revealing red paint all over his bum.)

### [END OF PART 1. Most of the time, this is shown as one long episode, so this a distinction is not normally evident. Syndicated TV re-runs break the two halves apart, but due to re-editing of the episode to fit into syndicated time slots, the syndicated break may occur at a different point.]

### [Scene: The street outside Central Perk. Ross and Phoebe run to her cab.]

Ross: You really think we're going to make it in time?

Phoebe: Hey, I didn't have my license taken away because I drive carefully.

(They get in the cab)

Ross: There's no seat belt!

Phoebe: That's okay. If-if we hit anything, the engine will explode. So, you know, it's better if you're thrown from the car.

(Ross looks terrified.)

Ross: Alright, alright. Let's do this!

Phoebe: Okay!

(A guy comes up and gets into the backseat of the cab.)

Ross: Hey!

Man: 80th and East End.

Phoebe: I-I don't take passengers.

Man: Hey! The law says you have to accept any fare.

Ross: No, you don't understand. This isn't a real cab.

Man: Alright, I'm gonna report you. What's your medallion number?

Phoebe: My medallion number is, "Get out of the cab!"

Man: What?

Ross: Get out of the cab! (Starts pounding the seat.)

Phoebe: Get out of the caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaab!

(Frightened, the man jumps out. Phoebe drives off.)

### [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Chandler are packing the last boxes. Joey is holding the babies, one on each arm.]

Joey: Hey, you guys. Check this out. (He vocalizes the tune of "Entry of the Gladiators" -- classic circus music -- while making pseudo-juggling motions).

Monica: No!

Joey: Okay. (He puts the babies in their bassinet.) Oh! Hey, can I give you guys my house-warming gift now?

Monica: Now, that you can do.

Joey: Alright! (he leaves)

Chandler: I have a question. Without looking into their diapers, can you tell them apart?

Monica: Of course I can. I'm their mother.

Chandler: Oh, yeah? Okay. Which on is that one?

Monica: That's Jack.

Chandler: (check's the baby's diaper.) Whoa. Jack's gonna have a tough time in high school, with that vagina.

(Cut to Joey's apartment. Joey looks inside the cardboard box that used to be the home of Chick Jr. and Duck Jr., but they have disappeared.)

Joey: Ah, Chick Jr.? Duck Jr.? Don't hide from Mama!

### [Scene: Phoebe's is driving very fast. A terrified Ross has closed his eyes.]

Phoebe: You can open your eyes now.

Ross: Are we off the bridge?

Phoebe: Yes!

Ross: Is the old woman on the bicycle still alive?

Phoebe: Yeah, she jumped right back up.

(Ross opens his eyes.)

Ross: Oh, my God! Phoebe, slow down!

Phoebe: Do you wanna get to Rachel in time?

Ross: Yes, but I don't wanna die in your cab!

Phoebe: You should have thought of that before you got in!

(They approach a tollbooth.)

Phoebe: Tollbooth.

Ross: What?

Phoebe: Tollbooth! Four bucks. There are quarters in the glove compartment.

(Ross fumbles with a plastic bag of quarters.)

Phoebe: Hurry!

Ross: Aaggh! (hands her coins)

Phoebe: Okay.

(Phoebe attempts to throw quarters out the window, but they just bounce back. She and Ross yell in surprise.)

Phoebe: Damn, that window's clean.

(They bend down to pick up coins and bump their heads together, both yelling, "OW!")

Phoebe: God!

(Phoebe has accidentally let her foot of the break. They roll forward. Ross points ahead in warning. Phoebe slams on the brakes.)

Phoebe: (Somehow mad at the driver in front of her.) Hey!

### [Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey is still looking for the birds.]

Joey: Quack-quack. Tweet-tweet. Quack-quack. Tweet-tweet. Quack-quack. Tweet-tweet. (Meanwhile, Monica and Chandler enter.) Quack-quack. Tweet-tweet. Quack. Tweet. Quack.

Chandler: We were wondering what was taking so long with the gift, but now we understand. You were doing this.

Joey: Okay. I wanted to surprise you, but.... For your house-warming gift, I got you a baby chick and a baby duck!

(Chandler grins, while Monica is less enthusiastic.)

Chandler: Really? You got us a chick and a duck?

Monica: Oh, great! Just what you want for a new house with infants. Bird feces!

Joey: But they must have jumped off the table, because now they're gone!

Chandler: Well, don't worry, we'll find them.

Monica: Actually, I'm gonna go check on the twins.

Chandler: Alright.

(Monica turns around to leave but steps on something that makes a small crunch.)

Monica: Oh, God! What did I just step on?!

Joey: Oh!

Chandler: It's okay, it's just an egg roll.

Monica: Ah.

Joey: You stepped on my egg roll?!

Monica: I'm sorry. I didn't know to look for Chinese food on the floor.

Joey: Just put it on a plate and leave.

(She does so.)

Chandler: Okay, let's find these birds.

Joey: Alright.

(Suddenly, they hear the birds.)

Joey: Wait, wait. You hear that? (More tweets.) (Joey gasps) They're in the table!

Chandler: Well, that can't be good!

Joey: W-we gotta get them out of there!

Chandler: How?

Joey: Oh, oh! Maybe we can lure them out. You know any birdcalls?

Chandler: Oh, tons. I'm quite the woodsman.

Joey: Well, uh, maybe we can just tip the table a little.

Chandler: Joey, wait! The ball!

Joey: Oh!

(The ball rolls into the goal. They listen tensely as the ball is heard rolling inside, from level to level. Eventually, it stops. A moment of fearful silence. Finally, they hear the birds again.)

Joey: (in relief) Oh, God. Alright, alright. So what do we do?

Chandler: I don't know. Maybe we can open this up somehow.

Joey: Okay.

(They check the table.)

Chandler: No. It's all glued together.

Joey: Does that mean we have to bust it open?

Chandler: I don't know. Maybe.

Joey: Oh, my God!

Chandler: I know! It's-it's the foosball table.

Joey: All right, you know what? We don't have a choice. It's like I would've said in that sci-fi movie if I'd gotten the part. (He murmers in frustration.) "Those are our men in there and we have to get them out, even if I have to sacrifice the most important thing in my life -- my time machine."

Chandler: Did that movie ever get made?

Joey: It did not.

### [Scene: The airport. Ross and Phoebe run in.]

Airport Announcer: Jack Weinberg, white courtesy phone. Jack weinberg.

Phoebe: Wait, Ross, where are you going?

Ross: Uh, to talk to Rachel, isn't that why we took a ride in the death cab?

Phoebe: What, are you gonna just walk up to her at the gate? Have you never chased anyone through the airport before?

Ross: Uh, not since my cop-show got cancelled.

Phoebe: You have to get a ticket to get past security.

Ross: What? We're never gonna make it!

Phoebe: Well, not with that attitude! Now, haul ass!

(They run to the ticket counter, but they get stuck behind a group of old people who are walking very slowly.)

Ross: Okay, if you could all walk slower, that'd be great.

### [Scene: The gate. Rachel walks up to the man at the gate and gives him her passport.]

Gate attendant #1: (with a French accent) Madame, your passport please?

Rachel: Oh, my God. I was so afraid I wasn't gonna remember any of my high-school French. But I understood every word you just said.

Gate attendant #1: Your boarding pass, please.

Rachel: Oh.

(She starts looking through her purse.)

Rachel: Oh, shoot. I had it. Oh, I can't believe this.

Gate attendant #1: Madame, if you don't have your boarding pass--

Rachel: I have it. I have it. I have it! Oh, okay, I can't find it. But I remember that I was in seat 32C, because that's my bra size.

Gate attendant #1: Madame, you must have your boarding pass--

Rachel: Okay, fine! But you know what? If I was in 36D, we would not be having this problem.

### [Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe come running.]

Ross: Hi. I need a ticket.

Phoebe: Just one? I drive you all the way down here and I don't get to see how it works out?

Ross: Fine. Two tickets. I need two tickets.

Phoebe: We're on our honeymoon.

Ticket agent: And the destination?

Ross: Uh, I don't care. Whatever is the cheapest.

Phoebe: I'm so lucky I married you.

### [Scene: The gate. Rachel is still searching for her boarding pass.]

Rachel: Oh, shoot! Damn it! Where is it? Oh! Oh! I found it! I found it!

(She runs up to the gate attendant.)

Rachel: Ha! Ha! I found it! I told you I would find it! In your face! You're a different person.

### [Scene: The ticket-counter. Ross and Phoebe have their tickets and start looking at the screens in order to find the gate.]

Ross: Okay. Flight 421 to Paris. I don't see it. Do you see it?

Phoebe: No. Did we miss it?

Ross: No, no, no. That's impossible. It doesn't leave for another 20 minutes.

Phoebe: Maybe we have the flight number wrong. Oh, God.

(Phoebe picks up her cell-phone and calls Monica. Monica is still packing in her apartment.)

Monica: Hello.

Phoebe: Hey, it's me. Here's Ross.

Ross: What? Hey. Hey, listen--

Monica: Oh, my God, Ross, you wouldn't believe the cute little noises the twins are making. Wait, listen.

(She holds the phone down to the twins.)

Ross: Wa-- Monica? Monica? Monica? Monica? Monica?

Monica: Oh, I'm sorry. Shoot, they were doing it before.

Ross: That's alright. Listen, listen.

Monica: Oh, wait, wait, wait. Here they go again.

(She holds down the phone to the twins again.)

Ross: Monica? Monica? Monica? Monica? Monica?

Monica: Isn't that cute?

Ross: (Insincere and annoyed) That is precious! Listen! I need Rachel's flight information.

Monica: Oh, okay. Alright, it's flight 421. Leaves at 8:40.

Ross: Yes, that's what I have. It's not on the board.

Monica: That's what it says here. Flight 421, leaves at 8:40, Newark airport.

Ross: What?

Monica: Newark airport. Why? Where are you?

Ross: JFK.

(Ross sadly hangs up the phone, while Phoebe looks on with sudden understanding.)

(Cut to Rachel at the gate. She gives her boarding pass to the gate attendant, and she goes onboard. The gate attendant closes the door and locks it.)

### [Scene: Joey's apartment. Joey and Chandler at the foosball-table.]

Joey: (yelling) Don't worry, you guys! We're gonna get you out of there!

Chandler: And we're also gonna buy you tiny bird hearing aids.

(Joey picks up a mallet and a crowbar and gets ready to destroy the table.)

Joey: Okay. Here goes.

Chandler: What's the matter?

Joey: I need to say goodbye to the table first.

Chandler: I understand.

Joey: Okay. (He sighs) Table, you have given us so many great times. And-and you guys, Jordan, Victor, Joel. All of you guys. What can I say? You guys make us look good. (To Chandler) You wanna say anything?

Chandler: I don't know. Except that, for one last time, (he touches several player in turn:) good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game. Good game.

(Joey points to one that Chandler left out)

Chandler: (touching the player) Good game.

Joey: Okay, here we go. (Joey struggles with what needs to be done.) I can't do it.

Chandler: Well, I can't do it either.

(Monica enters.)

Monica: Hey! Did you find them?

Joey: Yeah, they're stuck inside the table!

Chandler: We have to bust it open, but neither of us can do it!

Monica: Oh, well sure. That's gotta be so hard. (suddenly upbeat) I'll do it. Gimme! (She grabs the hammer and the crowbar and gets ready to break it open.)

### [Scene: Phoebe's cab. She's driving faster than ever before.]

Ross: Phoebe!

Phoebe: Whoa.

Ross:No, no, no!

(Phoebe screams with excitement.)

Phoebe: Wow, I've never gone this fast before.

Ross: Phoebe, forget it, okay? Newark is-is like an hour away. There's no way we're gonna make it in time.

Phoebe: She's got her cell, you could call her.

Ross: I am not doing this over the phone.

Phoebe: You don't have any other choice.

(She lets go of the steering wheel to get her cellphone from her purse. Ross screams and grabs the wheel.)

(Cut to the plane. Rachel is sitting in her seat when her phone rings.)

Rachel: Hello?

Phoebe: Rachel? Oh, good! Hey, by the way, did you just get on the plane?

Rachel: Yeah.

Phoebe: (To Ross) For what it's worth, we would have caught her if we were at the right airport.

Ross: Yay.

Phoebe: Uh, Rach, hang on.

(Phoebe tries to give her phone to Ross, but he mouths "no.")

Rachel: Phoebe? Is everything okay?

Phoebe: Um, actually no. No, you-you have to get off the plane.

Rachel: What? Why?

Phoebe: I have this feeling that something's wrong with it. Something is wrong with the left phalange.

Rachel: Oh, honey, I'm sure there's nothing wrong with the plane. (The person next to her perks up.) Alright, look, I have to go. I love you, and I will call you the minute I get to Paris.

(Rachel hangs up.)

Passenger #1: Uhm, what was that?

Rachel: Oh, that was just my crazy friend. She told me I should get off the plane because she had a feeling that there was something wrong with the left phalange.

Passenger #1: Okay, uh, that doesn't sound good.

Rachel: Oh, I wouldn't worry about it. She's always coming up with stuff like this. And you know what? She's almost never right.

Passenger #1: But she is sometimes.

Rachel: Well... (she shrugs.)

(The passenger stands up and gets his suitcase from the overhead compartment.)

Rachel: What are-- what are you doing?

Passenger #1: Okay, well, I can't take this plane now.

Flight Attendant: Excuse me, sir? Where are you going?

Passenger #1: Okay, I have to get off this plane. Okay? Her friend has a feeling something's wrong with the left phalange.

Rachel: Could I get some peanuts?

Passenger #2: What's wrong with the plane?

Flight Attendant: There's nothing wrong with the plane.

Passenger #1: Yeah. The left phalange.

Flight Attendant: There's no "phalange".

Passenger #1: Oh, my God. This plane doesn't even have a phalange!

Passenger #2: Well, I'm not flying on it!

Flight Attendant: Ma'am, please sit down!

Passenger #3: What's going on?

Passenger #1: We're all getting off. There is no phalange!

(Everybody gets up to disembark.)

Rachel: This is ridiculous! I-- (sees everyone leaving.) Yeah, okay.

(Rachel leaves as well.)

### [Scene: Joey's apartment. Monica has completely destroyed the foosball-table, and Chandler and Joey are holding the birds.]

Monica: Alright. My job here is done.

Chandler: That was impressive.

Joey: Yeah. You didn't even use the tools for most of it.

Monica: Yeah. They were just slowing me down. Alright, I gotta get back to the babies. I'll see you girls later.

(Monica leaves.)

Chandler: Sorry about the table, man.

Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: You gonna buy a new one?

Joey: Probably not. No. I don't know how much I'm gonna wanna play after you go.

Chandler: Well, at least we got these little guys out.

Joey: Yeah.

Chandler: Aww, we were worried about you! Hm. I guess I better get used to things crapping in my hand, huh?

Joey: I'm gonna miss these little guys. It was nice having birds around again.

Chandler: Hey, you know what? Maybe we should keep them here with you.

Joey: What?

Chandler: Yeah, I mean we've got a lot going on right now. And, plus, here they'd have their own room.

Joey: I could get a goose!

Chandler: You know, I-I think you're set with the poultry.

Joey: Thanks, man. You hear that, you guys? You're gonna get to stay here! And-and it's good, you know. Because, uh, because now you have a reason to come visit.

Chandler: I think there may be another reason. So, uh, awkward hug or lame cool-guy handshake?

Joey: Uh, Yeah, well, you know, lame cool-guy handshake, yeah.

(They do the lame cool-guy handshake. They look at each other, and then they hug.)

### [Scene: The gate at the airport. The passengers are standing in line, and they're about to board the plane again.]

Gate attendant #2: Ma'am, I assure you, the plane is fine.

Passenger #2: And you fixed the phalange?

Gate attendant #2: Yes, the phalange is fixed. As a matter of fact, we put a whole lot of extra phalanges onboard, just in case.

(Rachel walks up and offers her boarding pass to the gate agent.)

(Cut to Ross and Phoebe, running from a hallway into the concourse.)

Airport Announcer: Paging Mr. Anderson. Mr. Josh Anderson.

Ross: Where is she?

Phoebe: I don't see her.

Ross: Rachel! Rachel Green!

Phoebe: There she is! (Rachel's back is seen as she disappears into the jetway.)

Ross: Rachel! Rachel!

(Ross runs up to the gate, intent on following Rachel.)

Gate attendant #2: Whoa, whoa. Excuse me, sir. Do you have a boarding pass?

Ross: No. No, I just-- I just have to talk to someone.

Gate attendant #2: I'm sorry. You cannot go any further without a boarding pass.

Ross: No, no, no, but I--

Phoebe: (screaming) RACHEL!!

(Rachel comes back to the gate, looking alarmed.)

Rachel: What? Oh, my God. What are you-- What-what are you guys doing here?

Phoebe: Okay, you're on.

Rachel: What? What, Ross. Okay, you're scaring me. What's going on?

Ross: Okay, the thing is--

Rachel: Yeah?

Ross: Don't go.

Rachel: What?

Ross: Please, please stay with me. I am so in love with you. Please, don't go.

Rachel: Oh, my God.

Ross: I know, I know. I shouldn't have waited till now to say it, but, um, that was stupid, okay? I'm sorry, but I'm telling you now. I love you. Do not get on this plane.

Gate attendant #2: Miss? Are you boarding the plane?

Ross: Hey, hey. I know you love me. I know you do.

Gate attendant #2: Miss?

Rachel: (small sigh) I-I have to get on the plane.

Ross: No, you don't.

Rachel: Yes, I do.

Ross: No, you don't.

Rachel: I do, they're waiting for me, Ross. I can't do this right now, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Ross: Rachel?

Rachel: I'm so sorry.

(She boards the plane. The boarding gate is closed and locked.)

Ross: I really thought she'd stay.

Phoebe: Mm-hmm. I know. I'm sorry.

(Phoebe hugs Ross.)

### [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey, Chandler, Monica and the twins are there. Everything has been put into boxes.]

Monica: Well, that's it. Everything's packed.

Chandler: Wow. This is weird.

Monica: I know.

Joey: Yeah. Uh, does this mean there's nothing to eat?

Monica: I put three lasagnas in your freezer.

Joey: (Looking first surprised, then touched.) I love you!

(He hugs her. Phoebe enters.)

Joey: Hey!

Phoebe: Hey.

Joey: Hey, Did you guys make it in time?

Phoebe: Yeah. Yeah, he talked to her. But, um, she got on the plane anyway.

Chandler: Where's Ross?

Phoebe: He went home. He didn't want to see anybody.

Joey: Agh.

### [Scene: Ross's apartment. Ross enters and checks his messages.]

Rachel: (on the answering machine) Ross. Hi, it's me. I just got back on the plane and I just feel awful. That is so not how I wanted things to end with us. It's just that I wasn't expecting to see you, and-and all of a sudden you're there and saying these things. And-and now I'm just sitting here and thinking of all the stuff I should have said, and I didn't. I mean, I didn't even get to tell you that I love you too. Because of course I do. I love you. I love you. I love you. What am I doing? I love you! Oh, I've gotta see you. I've gotta get off this plane.

Ross: Oh, my God!

Rachel: (on the answering machine) Okay, excu-excuse me.

Flight Attendant: (on the answering machine) Miss? Please, sit down!

Rachel: (on the answering machine) No. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry, but I need to get off the plane, okay? I need to just tell someone that I love them.

Flight Attendant: (on the answering machine) Miss, I can't let you off the plane.

Ross: Let her off the plane!

Flight Attendant: (on the answering machine) I am afraid you are gonna have to take a seat.

Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, please, miss. You don't understand!

Ross: Try to understand!

Rachel: (on the answering machine) Oh, come on, miss. Isn't there any way that you can just let me off the--

(The message is finished. Ross jumps over to the answering machine.)

Ross: No! No! Oh, my God. Did she get off the plane? Did she get off the plane?

Rachel: I got off the plane.

Ross: You got off the plane.

(He walks over and kisses her.)

Rachel: I do love you.

Ross: I love you too, and I'm never letting you go again.

Rachel: Okay. 'Cause this is where I wanna be, okay? No more messing around. I don't wanna mess this up again.

Ross: Me neither, okay? We are-- we're done being stupid.

Rachel: Okay. It's you and me, alright? This is it.

Ross: This is it. Unless we're on a break.

(Rachel gives him a look.)

Ross: (speaking to himself) Don't make jokes now.

(They kiss again.)

### [Scene: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Monica are holding the twins. Joey and Phoebe are sitting by the window, while Ross and Rachel are standing together. The apartment is completely empty. Two men are carrying a large dresser.]

Monica: Alright, please be careful with that. It was my grandmother's. Be careful.

(Two other men are rolling the big white dog out of the apartment.)

Monica: If that falls off the truck, it wouldn't be the worst thing.

(She slips them some money.)

Ross: Wow.

Rachel: I know. It seems smaller somehow.

Joey: Has it always been purple?

Chandler: (to his children) Look around, you guys. This was your first home. And it was a happy place, filled with love and laughter. But more important, because of rent control, it was a friggin' steal!

(Monica and Chandler put Jack and Erica in their stroller.)

Phoebe: Hey, do you realize that at one time or another we all lived in this apartment?

Monica: Oh, yeah, that's true.

Ross: Uh, I haven't.

Monica: Wait a minute. What about that summer during college that you lived with grandma, and you tried to make it as a dancer?

Ross: Do you realize we almost made it ten years without that coming up?

Monica: Oh, honey, I forgot. I promised Treeger that we'd leave our keys.

Chandler: Oh, okay.

(Chandler and Monica walk over to the kitchen-counter and leave their keys. Then the other four take out their keys and leave them as well.)

Phoebe: So, I guess this is it.

Joey: Yeah. I guess so.

Monica: (crying) This is harder than I thought it would be.

Chandler: Aw, it's gonna be okay.

(Chandler hugs her. Monica hugs Ross and Rachel as Chandler gets the stroller with the twins.)

Rachel: (crying) Do you guys have to go to the new house right away, or do you have some time?

Monica: We got some time.

Rachel: Okay, should we get some coffee?

Chandler: Sure. Where?

(They all leave the apartment. Joey helps Chandler with the stroller in the hallway, while Monica and Rachel have their arms around each other. Everybody heads to the stairs. The scene fades back inside the apartment. The view pans around. We see the keys on the counter, and the final shot is of the frame around the peephole. The screen fades to black.)

### [End Credits. No bonus scene. Various shots of the New York skyline are used here.]

### END OF PART 2