## The One With Ross's Grant (Extended Version)

[Season 10 Episode 6]

Written by: Sebastian Jones
Produced by: Robert Carlock and Wendy Knoller
Transcribed by: Coffee Mug, Eleonora, Sebastiano & Vanessa
Final check by Kim
Further revisions and extended DVD content added (in blue) by Darcy Partridge.

### [Scene: Central Perk, everyone except Phoebe is there]

Phoebe: (she enters) Hey.

All: Hey.

Rachel: Hi.

Ross: Pheebs, what's wrong?

Phoebe: Oh, I'm just so exhausted from dragging around this huge engagement ring.

(Everyone gasps)

Rachel: My God!

Joey: Hey!

Rachel: Congratulations! Wow!

Ross: So did he get on one knee? Did-did he have a speech prepared? Oh, did he cry? (everyone tares at him) Yeah, big surprise, I like proposals.

Phoebe: Well, it was really sweet, and, like, the most romantic thing ever.

Joey: Well, hey, well (he takes his mug to toast Phoebe) here's to Phoebe, who's found the greatest guy in the world! To Phoebe and-- (a bit uncertain) I wanna say "Mike"? To Phoebe and Mike!

(Everyone adds a Woo! or Hey!)

Phoebe: Thank you! (to Rachel) Oh, and I have something for you!

Rachel: Mm-hmm?!

Phoebe: Yeah, it's my little black book. It's got the numbers of all the guys I've dated.

Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, baby, that's nice but, you know what, I think I'm okay. Why don't you give it to one of your other single girlfriends?

Phoebe: I would, but you're the last one.

Rachel: (angrily) Give me the book!(she takes it and start reading) Pablo Diaz. Brady Smith. Huh, "Guy-in-van"?

Phoebe: Oh, my first love!

Rachel: Huh.

Monica: What does the red X next to Bob Greenmore's name mean?

Phoebe: Dead. (everyone is taken aback) Oh, it's okay. No, he was old, yeah. And he lived a full life. He was in the first wave at Omaha Beach.

Chandler: Hey, I'm sorry. I should have given you guys my black book when I got married. Although it wasn't so much a book as a napkin. With Janice's phone number on it.

Rachel: Phoebe, isn't Jethro Tull a band?

Phoebe: (proud of herself) Oh, yes, they are.

OPENING CREDITS

### [Scene: Chandler and Monica's apartment.]

Chandler: (entering) Hey, honey!

Joey: (Turns away from the fridge) Hey, sweetie!

Chandler: Is Monica not here?

Joey: No.

Chandler: Oh, then I'll tell you. My agency was bidding for a big account and they got it! It's my first national commercial!

Joey: Cool!

Chandler: Yeah, and I don't wanna brag, but a lot of the ideas were mine. Hell, you weren't there. All the ideas were mine!

Joey: That's great! Hey, can you cast me in it?

Chandler: Oh, I don't know. I really don't think you're right for the part.

Joey: What do you mean? I can do anything, I'm a chameleon! Huh? (he mimes an old man with a beard) I'm old. (then he yawns and stretches) I'm tired. (Tugs his collar) Oh, I am hot! (shivers) I'm cold. Huh? Come on! What can't I do?

Chandler: First of all. Bravo. Uh, but I really don't think you're right for this. The part calls for a stuffy college professor.

Joey: I can do that! (in a deeper voice) "Hello, I'm your professor. When I'm not busy thinking of important things, or professing, I like to use--" Oh, what's the product?

Chandler: Software that facilitates inter-business networking e-solutions?

Joey: (after a pause he starts shivering again) I'm cold!

### [Scene: Central Perk. Charlie is sitting on the couch and Ross enters.]

Ross: (to Charlie) Hey.

Charlie: Hey!

Ross: Guess who's a finalist for a huge research grant! I'll give you a hint. He's looking right at you.

Charlie: Huh! Well, unless it's the creepy guy with his hand up his kilt, I'm gonna say congratulations!

Ross: Oh, I'm so excited. I mean, apparently, I beat out hundreds of other applicants, including five guys I went to graduate school with. Not that I'm keeping score or anything. Five!

Charlie: Wow, that's great!

Ross: Yeah!

Charlie: So, tell me about the grant!

Ross: Well, okay. It's for 25 thousand dollars. And if I get it, I'll finally be able to complete my field research. And there will be an article about me in the Paleontology Review. Yeah! It'll be the first time my name is in there without people raising serious questions about my work!

Charlie: Wait. Are you talking about the Dewer grant?

Ross: Yeah. Why?

Charlie: Benjamin Hobart is administering that grant.

Ross: Your ex-boyfriend?

Charlie: Yeah.

Ross: So your ex-boyfriend is gonna determine if your new boyfriend gets this grant? Wow, your new boyfriend is screwed.

Charlie: No! No, we ended on great terms. I mean, if anything, I think this could help you. You know what? Why don't we all go out to dinner together and I can introduce you.

Ross: Well, if you think it'd help.

Charlie: Yeah, absolutely. I'll call him.

Ross: Okay, now, is there anything I can do to, you know, butter him up? Anything he really likes?

Charlie: Hmm. He does have a pretty serious latex fetish.

Ross: We'll see how dinner goes.

### [Scene: Phoebe's apartment. She is packing a few things into boxes.]

Phoebe: (as Monica enters) Hey!

Monica: Hey, you wanna go to see a movie?

Phoebe: Well, I told you I had to spend all the day clearing out stuff so Mike could move in.

Monica: Oh, right.

Phoebe: Yeah.

Monica: Oh, well. Now that I'm here I might as well help you with the cleaning and organizing! Just happen to have my label maker!

Phoebe: Oh, it's so hard to get rid of stuff. Did you and Chandler have to make compromises when you first moved in together?

Monica: Uh, Chandler did! What does he want you to give up?

Phoebe: A bunch of stuff. And the worst one: He wants me to get rid of Gladys.

Monica: Who's Gladys? (Phoebe shows her a horrific painting with a half-a-body female mannequin coming out of the frame. Monica gasps.) Oh, what a tragic loss.

Phoebe: Yeah. I really hate to give her up. Oh, I know! Oh, you should take her!

Monica: (Clearly not wanting Gladys at all) Oh, I-I-I- I don't know.

Phoebe: Well, what, you don't like her?

Monica: Well, of course I do. What's not to like! I'd take her in a minute! But, you know, I think that you're giving up too easy, honey. I think that you need to fight for her!

Phoebe: Really? You think?

Monica: Absolutely! Yes, you say to him, "I'm sorry, Mike. I can't live without her. She means too much to me!"

Phoebe: Okay, I'll fight for her. Okay! Oh, wait! Oh, I just realized, if I do that, that means you don't get her!

Monica: Damn it, I did not think this through!

### [Scene: Central Perk. Rachel, Joey and Emma are there.]

Rachel: Emma, mom's got a snack for you. (She gives raisins to Emma.)

(Joey clears his throat for attention. Rachel looks at him with resignation and hands him the box of raisins.)

Joey: You know, every now and then, she might like some barbecue potato chips.

Chandler: (Entering) Hey, guys.

Rachel: Hi!

Chandler: (To Emma) Hey, baby!

Joey: Oh! Any word on casting yet?

Chandler: Joe, I told you, you're just not right for the part.

Joey: What do you mean? Rach, don't I seem like a professor you'd buy some kind of e-crap from?

Rachel: I'm sorry, this sounds like something I'm never gonna be interested in.

Joey: (to Chandler) Look, come on, please? It's not like I'm asking for some crazy favor. This is what I do for a living. I am a professional actor! (he glances at his watch and sees the time) Oh, man, I'm two hours late for work! (he stands, ready to go). Look, here's a copy of my reel. It's got all the commercials that I've been in.

Chandler: Joe--

Joey: Just watch it. And if you don't like it, you don't pass it on to your bosses.

Chandler: Fine.

Joey: Thank you. (he sits down)

Chandler: Work, Joe.

Joey: Damn it! (he leaves)

Chandler(to Rachel): What am I gonna do now?

Joey: Just pass the tape along!

Chandler: He's not right for the part. So if I suggest him, my bosses are gonna think I'm an idiot! And that's something they should learn on their own.

Rachel: Well, just tell Joey that you watched the tape and you liked it, but your bosses didn't. Then, that way, you're the good guy and they're the bad guys.

Chandler: That's good! I liked it, they didn't. (he sees Joey out of the window hitting on a girl) Joey, for God's sake, go to work! (Joey runs away).

### [Scene: A restaurant. Ross and Charlie seated.]

Ross: I can't believe I'm about to meet Benjamin Hobart. I've always thought of him as one of the people I'd invite to my fantasy dinner party. Do you think there's any chance he'll bring Christie Brinkley or C-3PO?

Charlie: (glances over Ross' shoulder) Sorry, it looks like it's just him.

Benjamin: Charlie! My God, you look absolutely stunning!

Ross: Well, I-I am having a good hair day.

Benjamin: So good to see you.

Charlie: You too. (she and Benjamin are hugging and Ross starts clearing his throat. Benjamin turns around.)

Ross: I'm okay.

Charlie: I'm sorry. Um, Ross Geller, Benjamin Hobart.

Ross: Oh, it's an honor to meet you. I-I can't tell you how long I've been an admirer of your work. I mean, that-that Nobel prize. (he give thumbs up) Woo! I mean, I have to tell you that you're one of the reasons I got into the field.

Benjamin: Oh, well, uh, likewise. Uh, actually, not likewise. I'd never heard of you until this morning. But it's nice to be nice.

Charlie: Um, shall we? (they sit down and Benjamin takes Ross' chair).

Benjamin: Yeah. (to Ross, whose hand is on his chair) Thank you. (to Charlie) I can't believe that you chose this restaurant! Do you remember the night?

Charlie: Oh, my God. I completely forgot! (they laugh) Oh, my God! I can't believe they let us back in this place! (they laugh more, and Ross start laughing too).

Benjamin: (to Ross) You weren't there.

Ross: No, but, it's, you know, it's just a funny image, you know, the two of you, in this restaurant, with-with... (laughs nervously) ts-szz, hmm.

Charlie: Ross, why don't you tell Benji about your proposal, while I go to the ladies room? (She leaves)

Benjamin: So tell me about it.

Ross: Okay. Well, I would like to do a dig in the painted desert.

Benjamin: Mm-hmm.

Ross: See, there are still several areas that haven't been fully excavated.

Benjamin: Break up with Charlie.

Ross: What?

Benjamin: What?

Ross: D-Did you just say, "Break up with Charlie"?

Benjamin: Well, yes and no. Yes, I did say it. And no, I didn't not say it.

Ross: Um, kind of inappropriate, don't you think?

Benjamin: I'm sorry. I just haven't seen her for so long, all these feelings are rushing back. I'm starting to realize how much I missed her, and I'm gonna need you to break up with her.

Ross: Are you serious?

Benjamin: If you say yes, then I'm serious. If you say no, then I'm joking.

Ross: No.

Benjamin: Joking it is.

### [Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters the room.]

Phoebe: Hi! Sorry, I'm late.

Monica: Hey, how did it go with Mike, is he gonna let you keep the painting?

Phoebe: Ha. No, he really hates it. But he's gonna let me keep my box of human hair! So you got to pick your battles. But the good news is, Gladys is yours.

Monica: Wow, what's the bad news?

Rachel: Who's Gladys?

Phoebe: Oh, she's that-that work of art I made, you know, with the woman coming out of the frame.

Rachel: Oh, and Monica gets to keep her? In her house? I am so jealous!

Phoebe: Oh, I didn't know you wanted her too!

Monica: Yeah!

Rachel: Well, I mean, sure, of course. But you already gave that to Monica, so...

Monica: No, no-no-no, I would give her up for you.

Rachel: No, I couldn't-- I couldn't let you do that.

Monica: But I want to.

Rachel: But I don't want you to.

Monica: But I insist!

Rachel: But I insist harder!

Phoebe: Girls, girls, stop, okay? We'll flip a coin. Heads, she's Rachel's, tails she's Monica's. (she flips the coin). Tails! Monica, she's yours!

Monica: No, that landed in your food!

Rachel: No, no, that's okay. You won fair and square. I'm so sad!

### [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]

Rachel: (Reading to Emma) ...and then the little red squirrel took all of his acorns and put them in his little satchel, and set off for--

Emma: (Turning book pages and saying:) Yeah.

Rachel: Okay. Someone's getting a little fussy. I think it's time for bed.

Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Where's the little red squirrel going?

(Rachel pauses, give Joey a look, and then passes him the book.)

Chandler: Hey, Joe.

Joey: Ay, bup-bup-bup. (Motions for Chandler to wait and finishes the book.) Oh, that's so sweet! (To Chandler:) What's up?

Chandler: Bad news. I watched the tape and passed it along to my bosses and they weren't interested.

Joey: (disappointed) Oh.

Chandler: (Hands the tape back to him) I'm sorry, man.

Joey: (looks at him suspiciously) But, uh, you watched the tape?

Chandler: (nervously) Yeah! I-I-I liked it. But, uh, my bosses didn't go for it. Stupid sons of bitches!

Joey: You didn't watch the tape.

Chandler: What? Of course I did!

Joey: Look, it's one thing not to cast me. But to lie to me?

Chandler: I'm not lying to you. I watched it.

Joey: Well, you lied again! (Rachel comes out of her room and is observing the conversation)

Chandler: I watched it!

Joey: Keep going, Pinocchio!

Chandler: I did!

Joey: No you didn't! (turns and goes towards his room)

Chandler: (following him) I'm telling you, I watched the tape. (Joey slams the bedroom door in Chandler's face)

Rachel: Did you watch the tape?

Chandler: No.

### [Scene: Interview room. Ross and two other professors (one man, one woman) are present.]

Ross: Hi. Look, I realize only one of us can get this grant. And I-I just wanted to wish the both of you the best of luck.

Male professor: (Pointing to Ross's hand) Are you crossing your fingers?

Ross: What, this? No. This-- That's-that's just the, uh, the result of a childhood injury. (He looks at his fingers, and then uncrosses them, and gasps.) I'm-- I'm cured!

Benjamin (Entering the room.) Good morning, everybody. I you'll go ahead and take your seats we can get started.

Ross: Um, actually, Dr. Hobart, can I have a word with you?

Benjamin: And you are?

Ross: Ross.

Benjamin: I know. I'm kidding.

Ross: Listen, I just want to say, last night dinner, that was a little awkward. I just want to make sure we're okay.

Benjamin: Oh, yeah. Absolutely. You didn't tell Charlie what I said, did you?

Ross: Oh, no. Of course not.

Benjamin: Oh, well, thank you. And I-I want you to know, I respect your decision not to give her up. It was the biggest mistake I ever made in my whole life. Well, that and tattooing her name on my shoulder. Last night, stupidly.

Ross: Seriously?

Benjamin: My Nobel Prize was not for moving on.

Ross: (Shocked and at first unsure what to say.) So no hard feelings?

Benjamin: None at all. Good luck today.

Ross: Thank you.

Benjamin: Okay. (To everyone:) All right.

So the selection committee has chosen the three of you as our finalists today. The ultimate decision will be based, of course, upon the answers that you give to the questions I ask here. And we're going to go ahead and start with Dr. Li. Dr. Li, you claim the field is too reliant on the Linnaean taxonomic system. How do you propose to correct this problem?

Dr. Li: Well, I believe that the answers lie in the osteological evidence. I plan to begin there.

Benjamin: (nods) Interesting.

Ross: (Rolls his eyes) I guess.

Benjamin: Dr. Biely, your proposal includes some field work. Where might that take place?

Dr. Biely: Primarily in the Pierre Shale region of South Dakota.

Benjamin: Certainly. Very well. And Dr. Geller, when is my birthday?

Ross: (shocked) What? I-I--

Benjamin: Care to venture a guess?

Ross: May 12th?

Benjamin: That's not even kind of close. Dr. Li, how many graduate students will you be needing?

Dr. Li: Half a dozen.

Benjamin: I see. And Dr. Biely?

Dr. Biely: Three for excavation and two for analysis.

Benjamin: Certainly. Dr. Geller, which 1965 Shirelles hit was later covered by a popular British Invasion band?

Ross: What? I need six graduate students.

Benjamin: No, I'm sorry. We were looking for "Baby It's You". "Baby It's You."

Ross: What? Wait, wait just a minute. None of my questions have anything to do with Paleontology.

Benjamin: You're right, I apologize. Scratch the last question. Spell "Boscodictiasaur".

Ross: Um, I've never heard of a "Boscodictiasaur".

Benjamin: Yeah, I just made it up. Spell it.

Ross: Okay. B-O-S--

Benjamin: No, it starts with a silent "M".

Ross: Oh, come on!

### [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment. Chandler and Rachel are talking.]

Chandler: I can't believe Joey. I hate being called a liar!

Rachel: But you are a liar.

Chandler: What did I just say?

(Joey comes out of his room)

Joey: Are you still here?

Chandler: Yes. And I have to say I am not just hurt, I am insulted. When I tell somebody I did something--

Joey: Okay, hold on. Let me just stop you right there, okay? First, you lied, right? Then you lied about lying, okay? Then you lied about lying about lying, okay? So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about lying...(loses count and begins to count the number of 'lyings' in the air but gives up.) Stop lying!

Chandler: Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?

Joey: You want to know why? You want to know why? (goes back into his room)

Rachel: Well, this is going well.

Joey: (comes out holding the tape) Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, okay? (puts it into the vcr) If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments. Alright, now remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan. (presses play and a TV commercial begins)

(The commercial:

Joey says "Ichiban". It displays a few girls dancing around and Joey fills most of the screen, he puts something blue on his lips and smacks them saying "Ichiban. Lipstick For Men." It goes on to show him playing a guitar and putting on more blue lipstick. In the end he repeats, "Ichiban. Lipstick For Men" and "Sahiko". Chandler and Rachel are speechless.)

Joey: And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape! (goes back to his room and slams the door).

Chandler: He really is a chameleon.

### [Scene: Monica's apartment. Phoebe enters carrying the horrific 'painting' of Gladys. Monica and Rachel are sitting on the couch.]

Phoebe: Well, Gladys, say hello to your new home! (she holds out the 'painting')

Monica: Oh, my!

Rachel: Wow! (Loving this.) Oh, she's so nice and big! Oh, Monica, where are you going to display Gladys, oh, so proudly?

Monica: I haven't really settled on a spot yet!

Rachel: Well, hey! How about right above the TV? That way, it will be the first thing that you see when you walk in the door!

Phoebe: Yeah, yeah! And you can get rid of that French poster.

Monica: I like that poster.

Phoebe: Really? It doesn't have anything coming out of it. Or maybe there is some place for her in your bedroom?

Rachel: Oh! There's nothing above your bed!

Monica: (Angry with Rachel) Are you still here?

### [Scene: Ross's office. Ross is pacing]

Ross: Stupid Nobel Prize winner! (In anger, he knocks a model T-Rex off his desk. He regrets this, picks it up, and says in a pouty way:) I'm sorry.

(Benjamin enters)

Ross: Oh, hi! Hello! Uh, have you come to ask me some more paleontology related questions? Um, your grandmother's nickname, perhaps? Ann-Margaret's pant size?

Benjamin: I've come here to apologize. I think I may have let my feelings for Charlie interfere with the interview process.

Ross:(Sarcastic) No! Stop!

Benjamin: Anyway, I've decided to offer you the grant.

Ross: Really?

Benjamin: Well, there-there is just one small stipulation.

Ross: I have to break up with Charlie?

Benjamin: Hey, you got one right!

Ross: You're crazy.

Benjamin: Crazy or romantic?

Ross: Crazy.

Benjamin: Or?

Ross: Get out!

(Benjamin leaves)

### [Scene: Joey and Rachel's apartment.]

(Rachel enters, checking the mail, then looks up and sees Gladys placed on the barcalounger.)

Rachel: Oh, my God!

Joey: (enters from his bedroom) What?

Rachel: Joey, what is this thing doing here?

Joey: I got it from Monica. She sold it to me for a very reasonable price.

Rachel: Joey, we're not keeping this!

Joey: But it's an original Buffay.

Rachel: Alright, fine. You can keep it. As long as you don't mind that she's haunted.

Joey: Hey? What? What? Whoa! What? What?

Rachel: Well, legend has it Joey, that she comes alive when you're asleep.

(Joey's eyes are twice their size now, and looks nervously from Rachel to Gladys and back.)

Rachel: She climbs out of the frame, and then drags her half-a-body across the floor, just looking for legs to steal. And then with her one good hand, she slowly reaches up and turns your doorknob--

Joey: Get that legless witch out of here!

(Joey leaves for his bedroom, and Rachel grins. She then takes Gladys and enters Monica's apartment.)

Monica: Hey! I sold that to Joey.

Rachel: Well, why I told him it's haunted. Two can play at this game. (gives Gladys to Monica)

Monica: No, too late. You can't give it back! (she pushes the painting back to Rachel)

Rachel: Yes I can! (pushes her back again)

Monica: No you can't. She's yours!

Rachel: She's yours!

Monica: She's yours!

Rachel: She's yours!

(While they are both pushing the painting towards each other, Phoebe enters)

Phoebe: Hey!

Rachel: She's mine!

Monica: She's mine!

Rachel: She's mine!

Monica: She's mine!

Phoebe: You guys! You guys! You don't have to fight over her anymore. (she goes out into the hallway.) Whoever doesn't get Gladys gets Glynnis. (She enters with an even more hideous, framed piece. A mannequin with a creepy, bald, white head, wearing a blueish dress and orange gloves, is reaching out into the room. Around the head, 3 small dolls are hovering. Rachel and Monica gasp.)

Rachel: I want Gladys!

Monica: She's mine!

Rachel: She's mine!

Monica: She's mine!

Rachel: She's mine!

### [Scene: Rachel and Joey's. Joey's reading a Sports Illustrated magazine. Chandler enters.]

Chandler: Ah, konnichiwa, Joey-san.

Joey: No, no. You don't get to do that.

Chandler: I know.

Look, I'm sorry I didn't give them your tape. And I promise next time to submit you whether I think you are right for the part or not.

Joey: That's not the point, Chandler. The point is that you lied.

Chandler: I know. You're right. What's it gonna take for you to forgive me?

### [Scene: Central Perk. Monica, Phoebe and Rachel are on the couch.]

Monica: Oh, my God!

(Cut to Joey and Chandler standing there. Chandler is wearing the blue Ichiban lipstick.)

Rachel: Ha. Excellent!

Joey: Now what do you say?

Chandler: Lying is wrong!

Joey: And? AND?

Chandler: I'm a pretty little girl.

Phoebe: I knew it.

### [Scene: Central Perk, later that day. Charlie is there. Ross enters.]

Ross: Your ex-boyfriend is insane.

Charlie: He is a character.

Ross: No, no, no, no, no. Charles Nelson Reilly is a character.

Charlie: Who?

Ross: Charles Nelson Reilly. The Ghost and Mrs. Muir? Match Game? Were you never sick as a child?

Charlie: Whatever. Did you get the grant?

Ross: No, I didn't. And you want to know why? Because your ex-boyfriend is still in love with you.

Charlie: What?

Ross: Yeah. He wouldn't give me the grant, because I wouldn't give you up.

Charlie: Benji isn't in love with me. I mean, he broke up with me. And besides, he's a very ethical man.

Ross: Really? Is it ethical to ask someone in a grant review: "Who was the voice of Underdog?"

Charlie: I'm sure he was just joking, Ross.

Ross: If you don't believe me, let's go talk to him. Okay? I'm telling you, he didn't ask me one paleontological question.

Charlie: Seriously?

Ross: Oh, I'm sorry, no. He did ask me one: Uh, how do you spell Boscodictiosaur?

Charlie: Well, if it's like the lake Mbosco in Congo, then M-B-O...

Ross: Damn it!

### [Scene: Benjamin's office. Ross and Charlie are entering.]

Benjamin: Dr. Geller? Charlie, what are you-- what are you doing here?

Ross: I want you to tell her everything. About the deal you tried to make with me. About the crazy questions you-- Wally Cox! That's the voice of Underdog!

Benjamin: Like I tried to tell you in the interview, Ross, this grant is not based on your knowledge of pretty useless trivia.

Ross: No, no, no. Don't do that! I want you to look her in the eyes, and tell her the truth.

Charlie: Benji?

Benjamin: Alright, it's true. I behaved horribly. But it's only because I still love you. And I would do anything to have you back in my life.

Ross: Too little, too late, Benji!

Charlie: I can't believe this.

Benjamin: I never should have broken up with you. I think about you all the time. I mean, do you ever still think about me?

Ross: (indignant) No!

Charlie: Yes!

Ross: What?

Charlie: I don't know what to say, Benji. This is all so romantic.

Ross: Or?

Benjamin: Listen, I know I may be way out of bounds here, but is there any chance you will take me back?

Charlie: Maybe.

Ross: Sweetie, this conversation is starting to make me a little uncomfortable.

Charlie: Oh, God! I am so sorry, but-- (she puts her hand on Ross's cheek) I mean it's-- There's so much history between us, you know?

Benjamin: (puts his hand on Ross's other cheek) I'm sorry too.

(Charlie and Benji both let their hands slide down Ross's face, until their hands meet, and they hold hands.)

Benjamin: I love you!

Charlie: I love you too! (and they start to kiss)

Ross: Okay, that's it. We are seeing other people!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

### [Scene: Joey's bedroom. Joey's asleep with Hugsy, the penguin right next to him.]

(There are scratching and squeaking noises coming from the living room, and Joey wakes up, terrified. He pulls his blanket higher. The doorknob is turning.)

Joey: Gladys?

(The door opens, and there is Gladys, still in her frame though. Joey panics and moves frantically, screaming. Then there is laughing, and the painting is lowered. It was Rachel holding Gladys.)

Rachel: Ha, ha! For the third time this week. Man, this does not get old.

Joey: You're mean!

Rachel: Oh, don't be such a baby! Please!

(She closes his door again, and turns around. Then she starts screaming, terrified. There is Glynnis. With Monica holding her up, laughing.)

### The End